SimpliSpanked

I thought about whether to share this story for a while, mostly because I was so dumb.  The whole post reminds me of an episode of I Love Lucy.  "Oh, Ricky!"  "Oh, Lucy!"  If you knew the GPA from my graduate degree, you would say, "How can she be such an idiot?!"


Several months ago, Sam decided that we needed to invest in one of those self-installed security systems.  It's called SimpliSafe.  Sam likes gadgets.  We have cooking gadgets in our kitchen that we don't need.  We have  building and maintenance gadgets in the garage we don't need.  We have lots and lots of technology crap we don't need.  The only gadgets I do not complain about are the sex gadgets Sam loves to buy.  He just got one for me called "Starlet - Your NewComer."  Clever name.  And on the advice of a dear friend, there is something called a "TangoTouch" that is on back order.


SimpliSafe was easy to install and Sam spent several happy hours getting each component perfectly positioned and working.  He kept calling me to see what I thought of where he was placing the sensors, and I tried to seem eager about the whole project.  He loves it when I appear amazed about his latest "Presto Burger Press."

                                  Introducing the easiest setup ever. No drilling.
                                   No wiring. No tools. Just plug in your Base
                                     Station, place your sensors, and in a few
                                       minutes your whole home is protected.

There are sensors on all the windows and doors, and I will admit they are not ugly or intrusive.  You need to be sure everything is closed before you switch on the system.  Right by the front door, there is a keypad where you press the "Away" button when you are leaving the house and a voice tells you to exit now and other stuff.  When you return, you have 90 seconds to enter a self-chosen number code that shuts the alarm system off.  Then the voice says, "Alarm Off."

                                    Simpli Simple, right?  


When it is first installed, there is a grace period of 2 weeks in which to make mistakes as you learn all the rules.  I did make the whole system go off once during that time; the alarm was exceedingly loud!  Freaked me and the dogs out big time.  Sam also took the key ring away from me because I set off the little, red "Panic" button trying to find the damn keys in my purse.




After the grace period, both the live monitoring center and the local police are notified.  No one would really complain if there was a bona fide burglar, but they are not as patient with people like me that seem to have trouble with all things tech-related.  About 2 weeks ago, I did something really stupid.  I will freely admit it.  On my way out for an errand, I pressed the "Away" button, locked the door, and headed for my truck.  Damn!  Forgot my grocery list.

It hadn't been but 5 or 6 seconds, and somehow, in my head, it made sense that I could dash back in the house, grab the list, and be out the front door again before the voice on the system could even finish her blurb which says, "Please exit now.  There is a blah, blah, blah....."  And I did beat her message and took off down the road.  I hadn't even gone 4 blocks when there was a call on the Bluetooth system in my truck.  (Don't really understand Bluetooth either, but that is another story.)  The person on the line asked me for a password, but I could only remember our pin number.  Apparently that took too long, and the police were notified.


Sam was actually fairly patient.  I apologized profusely and admitted that I had done something really stupid. 

"Ells, I can't believe you didn't think it through.  You should have known that you couldn't 'beat' the alarm," Sam said and sighed.  He went on and said a bunch of tech stuff that went right over my head.  He was very serious, though, about not calling out the police on a wild goosechase and taking them away from their real work.
  

But then two days later there was a letter in the mail with a warning from the police department.  If this happened again, there would be a $150 fine.  So Sam lectured me some more, waving the letter around a bit.  I promise you all that I listened with deferential attention.  Sam seemed satisfied that I would be more careful in the future.  And I was.....until yesterday.


Coming home from Sam's Club (no relation to my Sam) with lots of perishable food.  As I put the key in the lock, I could hear the phone ringing and thought it had to be the painter I had been trying to contact.  The alarm went right out of my head as I scurried to the phone.  I was busy talking to the painter when the alarm went off.  IT IS LOUD, and I dropped the phone on the counter and keyed in the PIN within ten seconds.  The noise stopped.  I told the painter I would call him back. Instead I dialed Sam, and as the phone rang, I thought,

                   "Oh, no.  This is it.  The police are going to come, 
                                  and Sam is going to kill me!"

There is a double meaning here, I think.

This time he did not sound so patient.

"EL-LA, how could you do th----"

I cut him off, apologized, and asked about how to notify the SimplSafe people.  He told me what to do, but the number was definitely not the monitoring center and I finally gave up.  However, there were no phone calls from the security company and no sirens pulling up outside.  I started to breathe again thinking I had shut it down quickly enough that I didn't set off anything this time.  Whew!  After about 15 minutes, I felt like I had dodged the bullet.


                                That was until Sam came home. 


He came in the front door with the dog.  He kissed me long and hard like every night. Then he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.  For a short time I couldn't understand what was happening.  Talk about dumb.  I even thought, for a second or two, that he had plans for a "just because I love you" spanking.  By the time I was over the bed, I realized this was going to be more like a "just because you screwed up" spanking.

"It was an accident, Sam.  I forgot.  I got distracted.  It's not fair to spank me for a mistake," I protested. 


"Not spanking you for an innocent mistake.  I am spanking you to help you to be mindful when you are leaving the house or coming home," he lectured.  "I don't want to pay a fine to the city, and I don't want a cop to be called away from his job just because you aren't taking this seriously."


There was no paddle, and the spanking didn't last very long at all.  Sam hugged me and told me to be careful from now on.  To think, slow down, and be careful.  Done deal.  I was still a little indignant about it, but I kept that to myself.


On the following day I had lots of errands to run and one outing with a friend.  I am being very honest here.  Each and every time I went in or out the front door, I thought of that spanking and I was exceedingly diligent about the steps needed to both activate and deactivate the alarm system.  And then I thought about that same dear friend who once wrote about the connection between the brain and the bottom.  It was true!  Everything I needed to remember was right at the front of my mind.  How does that work? 

That night I climbed on Sam's lap and told him that I was actually glad that he had spanked me because I remembered everything so clearly that day.  His brows furrowed, and he said with a smirk, "Well, I guess it's a good thing, but I really don't care one way or the other if  you were happy about the spanking or not.  Not my problem.  Just don't mess up the alarm again, Ells."


What did I expect?  For him to say he was so glad that I approved of the spanking?  That wasn't going to happen.  And when you think of it, that's really the way it should be.  He spanks, and I listen.  Done deal.

                                           SimpliSpanked

Ella's Bookshelf - Educating Jenny

I always seek inspiration as I start to think about writing a book review.  What's going to be my "angle?"  This time, it came from a book I started weeks before PK Corey's latest title in the Cal's Law series hit the shelves at Blushing Books and Amazon.  Was browsing on my Kindle one night after typing "Spanking Romance" into the Search Box.  Up came a 1000 choices.  I scrolled and scanned the blurbs of at least two dozen books.


Finally saw one that caught my interest.  Clever title.  Nice cover.  Hero's name was Cade Somebody.  He was handsome, wealthy, and sensitive.  Just hadn't found his true love yet.  Girl's name was Rachel, I think.  A troubled but true-blue young woman trying to find her way after a bad marriage.  I clicked on the "Buy Now."  Amazon said "Thanks, Ella," and I started reading.

Loved this title!

I read that night and the next night and the night after that.  No spanking.  I would get to a good part where Rachel certainly deserved one.  "Hot dog," I would think.  "Here it comes, finally."  Nope.  Instead of putting her over his knee, this guy would wash her hair.  Soon she would run away, drive like a crazy woman, and spit challenges at Cade.  I waited with bated breath for him to take her in hand.  Nope.  This insipid "hero" did not pull his belt through the loops of his jeans.  Wait for it, spanking fans.  He cooked her a pasta dinner!


I finally came to the end of my patience.  The little percentage of the e-book read that appears in the bottom right hand corner of my Kindle said that I had read 64%.  Where the hell were the spankings?!  I went back to Amazon to check the blurb.  My bad.  It said nothing about discipline or a man with an itchy palm wanting to teach the little lady a lesson.  It was a plain old Nothing Romance!!  I know that I had searched for spanking books; Amazon screwed up.  Would they return my $3.99 if I explained the error?  Probably not.  I thought about writing a review of the book that basically said "This One Sucked!" but decided that wasn't fair to the author.  The only thing she was guilty of was peddling this drivel as romance.

     
        
       When Is The New Book Coming Out, PK!?

Luckily just a short time later, Educating Jenny was finally published.  Now this is a spanking romance!  And well worth your $3.99, too!

Title:  Educating Jenny

Author:  PK Corey

Themes:  Friendship, Self-Development, Awakening

Main Characters:  

Jenny:  an independent young woman married to the town sheriff, Cal Bennett.  She is not only madly in love with her husband, she loves being a homemaker and part of his large, loving family.


Cal: is the sheriff of the town where he grew up.  He met Jenny when he caught her breaking the law while she was a sorority member at the posh, private college in town.  He didn't hesitate to paddle her bottom.  As he helped her become more responsible about her education and personal safety, they fell in love.  Cal is a firm believer in a solid domestic discipline relationship as the key to a happy marriage.

Allie and Lane: Allie is also away at the university and invites Jenny to share an apartment there.  They and their husbands travel back and forth to spend time with each other.  Lane is Cal's little sister and becomes good friends with both Jenny and Allie.


Jake:  is deputy and best friend to Cal Bennett.  He and Lane's relationship moves from good friends into something more.  Both are concerned that Cal will not approve.


Cassie and Sue:  Although these two women are of an older generation, Jenny looks up to them and feels welcome as a friend and part of their "river family."


Setting:  This book takes place in 2 locations.  It starts and ends in the small town where Jenny and Cal met and were married.  Cal's family, friends, and home are all there.  It is also the community where the author's Cassie series is set.  A good portion of this latest story also happens in the university town where Jenny and Allie live and attend classes.

Educating Jenny is the third book in the Cal's Law series by PK Corey.  The beloved characters from her Cassie books make their standard cameo appearances in each of the Cal and Jenny stories.  This time Cassie and Sue manage to not only land themselves in hot water but drag Allie and Jenny along with them.  I laughed out loud when Cassie admits, "How did we get this old and manage to stay so stupid?"


Back in the early 80's, there was first a Broadway play and then a

major motion picture titled Educating Rita.  I saw both and loved the mix of comedy and drama. The lead character is a working class hairdresser who views education as a way to escape her dull life.

Jenny, on the other hand, argues when Cal insists she complete one more year of college.  He even wrangles a scholarship to the University of North Carolina in Wilmington.  She has already escaped the shallow world of her well-to-do and unloving parents and revels in the simple life of being Cal's wife.  He sincerely wants her to see all the possibilities that an education can open to her, and she finally agrees to one more year of college.


Even though Jenny knows what Cal expects from her and she

understands her husband's consequences for putting herself in danger, she gets mixed up in the trouble when Cassie and Sue drag them to a college party with both alcohol and pot.  Later as Cal scolds her and spanks her, he says, "You know Cassie and Sue can get themselves in trouble at a Bible study."  What Cal doesn't know at the time is that on the night of the party, Jenny inadvertently made an enemy of an arrogant campus cop named Devin Pipes.

Although Cal meant for the spanking to be disciplinary, Jenny is just plain HOT for her gorgeous husband.  This gives Cal the idea that educating his Jenny might be a lot more fun in the bedroom.  Throughout this book, they grow more deeply in love as they explore their sexual fantasies.  However, Cal lets her know that he is "the one and only spanker in this family."

When Jenny tires of being harassed by the campus cop, she retaliates.  Matters turn much more serious when another law officer targets Jenny.  Soon after, Lane comes to visit and together they hatch a plan to rival anything Cassie and Sue could dream up.


One of my favorite parts of the book is when Jenny is educated about how a loving family celebrates Christmas.  We also see her coming into her own when the gifts she creates and gives Cal's family are so warmly received.  I just loved seeing her proud of a talent she never knew she had.

Just as Rita is transformed by her education in the play, Jenny comes of age in this book.  Educating Jenny begins with a girl but finishes with a woman.  The difference with PK Corey's story is that we know Cal will always be there to guide and love Jenny, even if that means warming her bottom from time to time.

                      
                               Now that's my idea of romance.

"But the Suitcases Are Still in the Car?"

Back in April, Meredith wrote a post about how traveling seems to be a really hard time to lean in.  In all fairness, she also had several travel posts where she let her Jack maintain his leadership, and there was peace in his valley.  Not perfect, but pretty damn good, Mere!



I guess the same could be said about me on our recent travels.  I stopped myself from interrupting many times but then mowed right over Sam at dinner one night.  I do like it when the nice Garmin lady gives my husband the driving directions instead of me.  I seem to stay out of trouble more often in the car.  You can't spank the Garmin lady, but Sam does tell her to "shut up" once in a while.  There was one big lapse in car judgement that I will explain later in this post.

Really tried to remember to wait for Sam to open the car door, give the waitress my drink order (house IPA most of the time) and not to speed up so I was walking 10 feet in front of him.


Things were going fairly well until the last day - our travel day back home.  Then it all went to hell in a handbasket.  I could tell I was metaphorically stepping on Sam's toes again and again but seemed powerless to to stop myself.  If there is a fallen angel of ttwd, I was under her control.

It was a long, long day, that's for sure.  As we pulled up in the driveway, I thought the only thing on both our minds was, "Home, sweet home."  I knew there would be loads of laundry the next morning, but for now, I was just looking forward to my own bed.


As we got out of the car, I grabbed as many small items as I could carry, knowing that Sam would take care of the heavy  baggage.  He opened the door for me, and I dropped the things in my arms on the dining room table and reached for the stack of mail.  I thought Sam was heading back out for the suitcases, but then I heard the front door close and the distinctive sound as the lock was thrown.

"Hmmm," I thought.  "That's odd.  Why wouldn't he be getting the luggage.  Besides, it was quite warm.  The screen door would be just fine tonight." 

Without a word spoken, Sam reappeared and reached for my hand.

"But the suitcases are still in the car, Sam?"

"And that's where they will be until I am finished," he said as he towed me down the hall.


He never let go of me as he bent to retrieve the little wooden paddle from the bottom drawer of his dresser.  (In happier times, I refer to that drawer as the "toy box.")  He set the paddle on the foot of the bed and deftly unzipped my jeans.  Then silent still, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me over one knee.  Took his time arranging me and finally put his other leg over both of mine.  I already felt totally pinned, and he hadn't said one word.  I think I stopped breathing for a minute.


When the dam broke, Sam had much to say.  The paddle worked its deadly magic as my guy started to recall every single stupid thing I said or did beginning when I woke up about 5:00 am that morning.


"You have been second guessing me all day long, Ella.  The only rest I had was when you had to pee."


"This wasn't going to be good," I thought as Sam began listing my misdemeanors.  Perhaps some went a bit beyond misdemeanor more toward felony.  You be the judge.
  

• "I think you should go get the big luggage cart, Sam."

• "Wait!  The Garmin has to be wrong.  We need to go this way to the car rental return."  He ignored me and pulled onto the ramp to the garage.  I hate that the Garmin Bitch is always right!  I think I heard her say, "So there, Ella," as Sam turned off the engine.

• I was sure I knew which side of the building we had to go to catch the shuttle to the terminal.  Sam just stood there until I realized he wasn't following me.

• This next one was when I noticed Sam raised his voice.  Arriving in San Diego for a long layover, I began.  "Well, we have to get to Terminal 1 to find the restaurant we found online....What a stupid airport.... Why do we have to leave the secure area just to eat and then have to go through security again?....It makes no sense....No matter.......We have TSA Pre-Check."

 

But then the TSA officer said that Pre-Check was not being accepted at this time and to take off shoes and belts.  Pull out electronics and clear bags of toiletries.  I kid you not, I just stood there repeating, "But we have Pre-Check on our boarding passes.  But we have....." 

"Ella, you are holding up the line.  Take - Out - The - Laptop - Now," he growled.  I finally did.

• Guess who asked for the check when we finished eating.  "Oh, sorry, Hon."

• I really didn't remember any indiscretions on the final leg of our journey, but Sam did.  (By this time the paddle was quite busy on my bum, and I couldn't really think straight.)

• Sam was just about to pull the Park & Fly card out of his wallet in order to tell the driver where we were parked, when I piped up helpfully, "It was Row C, I'm pretty sure.  Yep, I was right."  Sam was silent.

And so this post has come full circle.  We were finally home.  The suitcases were still in the car.  My ass was properly toasted, and I felt like I had just received the Nobel Prize in Literature for writing 

                           The TTWD Book of What Not To Do.

But then Sam pulled me up for kisses and gently pinched my nipple.  There was a grin on his face, too, and I knew for certain there would be a happy ending to this story.