Thursday, March 30, 2017

Rebuttal to Jack's "Man Rules"


Back in February, Meredith's Jack had us laughing with another one of his contributions to Cat's Giggles, Grins, and Reflections.  He dared Cat to post, and our dear girl accepted the challenge.  There is no dare involved here, but I have picked up the torch with a rebuttal to the "man rules." 

Just as the man rules were speaking to women as a generic group, my rebuttal addresses men as a generic group.  Although Sam is mentioned, this is not directed at him in particular.  I am just clarifying my intention so that my loving man does not think that any rebuttal should be addressed to my personal   reBUTTal   once this is posted.  "I am as innocent as grace itself. "


Meredith's Jack sent the following with the note “Cat...I dare you to post this...”
Dare accepted.


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
"the rules"
From the female side. 
Now here are the rules from the male side.

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

Heartily agree.  You all suck at this skill.
But we love you guys anyway!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

I respectfully disagree with this man rule.  If it was only the matter of putting the seat up or down, I might see the justice, but none of the guys in my life have ever mastered not leaving pee on the rim.  Neither have any of them ever volunteered to pick this up as one of their household tasks.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

So is shopping.

 1. Crying is blackmail. 

 My response to this is that you guys don’t have periods, you don’t get pregnant or deliver babies or go through menopause.  Deal with the tears, or as Cat says, “Suck it up, Buttercup.”

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

                           OK – no more subtle hints.  
                    “Put the goddam toilet seat down!”

                    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers 
                                  to almost every question. 

“Yes” I see your point.  “No” it won’t work every time.  Maybe too simplistic.  Sometimes it just sounds rude.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. 
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

I actually like the “man rule” perfectly well on this topic.  When Sam asks me about my day, I feel that is an invitation to unload a bit.  He usually has good advice or can simply kiss me until I don’t care about work anymore.  If I want to discuss the state of the toilet seat, I will call a girlfriend.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

 TTWD wives do not usually argue.  It’s just not a good idea.  Besides, ttwd seems to help husbands as well as wives.  I think Sam’s comments are more positive now and less likely to rub me the wrong way.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. 

There might be women somewhere who are not critical of their own body, but I have never met one.  If your woman asks you this, you need to tell her she is “beautiful” each and every day. 

      When our sons got married,
      this was their mom’s only piece of advice.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Ha!  Good one!  If something we say makes your eyebrows furrow and you are not sure whether to be pissed off or to laugh, we meant it to be funny.  Take off your HOH hat and chill.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

I see the point to this one, too, and know it is true many times.  Let’s return to a tried and true example for my response. 
Here we go – a polite choice.

  Please put the toilet seat down.

OR   After you pee, grasp the seat firmly with your hand
and lower it gently.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Sam never seems to mind if I bother him during his viewing as long as I sit in his lap and grab his crotch.  My man is patient that way.

 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Absolutely no snappy, clever answers here.  This little ttwd wife knows to zip the mouth on this one.  One of the immoveable rules on the stone tablets.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
I agree.  Just remember you are color-challenged 
when you ask, 
“Why do you need another green jacket?” 
and we say, “It’s not green; it is olive.”

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

I would be happy to help with any itches that plague Sam.  Don’t mind that wifely duty at all.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Combine this one with tears and you really should be able to figure out that “nothing” is “something.” Hugs are a good way to start here.

              1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, 
                     Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 

    Woman Question:  Can you hold my purse?
    Man Answer:  No, I hate holding your purse.

                       1. When we have to go somewhere, 
                 absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really

 But I am not sure if the olive jacket goes with the khaki pants and the red flats.  
                                    What do you think?

1. You have enough clothes. 

                        You can’t have too many clothes.
                                  Just too small closets.

                                1. You have too many shoes.


  You can’t buy HAPPINESS but you can buy SHOES and that’s kinda the same thing.

                         1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


                       My husband may not be perfect, 
                               but he is perfect for me.

                 And no sleeping on the couch EVER.


  1. Hi, Ella,
    Just so you know you are spot on, on all of these! Your comment about sitting on Sam's lap about made me wet my pants though, I was laughing so hard! Thank you for starting my day off with such a lovely post.

    1. So glad you liked it, Baker. Other than being over his knee, lap sitting is my favorite place to be.

      Hugs From Ella

  2. Thank you, Ella! This is very funny! And so many good points!

    1. Hello Ava! Gosh, it is good to hear from you. Some might call it a Battle of the Sexes, but this was meant to be in good fun.

      Hugs From Ella

  3. Replies
    1. Good morning, Sunshine! I mean "Sunny." I am sure we could all come up with some funny stories of "Man Rules."

      Ella Missing You

  4. Ella,
    It is early here in sunny here and we are up early, We both laughed all the way through your post. Thank you for all the for sure truths shared. What is fun post!
    Meredith along with her Jack

    1. So glad you BOTH thought it was funny. Always appreciate a good sense of humor. I feel like Jack was part of your sweet comment.

      Enjoy the Sunshine,

  5. Hi Ella, what a fun post! Don't tell jack but I think yours is better,much more accurate. lol
    love Jan, xx

    1. Ha! You made me smile, Jan. I never thought the toilet seat would have been the topic of a post!

      Hugs Across the Pond,

  6. Bravo my friend...I love this! hugs abby

    1. Aren't you sweet, Abby. When I first read this over at Cat's house, I thought these rules needed to be reviewed from the female point of view.


  7. I love your rebuttal to the man rules. We need to understand each other, but I'm still glad we're different.

    1. PK,
      I so agree. It is the yin and yang that make us fall in love. Different is good.


  8. LoL Ella, fun post and so right. I giggled all through reading this. Thank you :)


    1. Giggles were exactly what I was hoping for, Roz. And I really, really want a bigger closet!

      Hugs From Ella

  9. Good rebuttal, Ella! Matthew never minded if I interrupted his programs by sitting on his lap and stroking his crotch. ;) I totally agree...closets are too small and you can never have too many shoes! ;) Thanks for fun.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Thanks, Cat! I especially wanted you to enjoy it. Always love to hear about another man who loves his woman in his lap.

      Love From Ella and All Her Shoes

  10. I seriously laughed all the way through this! My hubby told me when we first married, that if he said something that hurts my feelings just assume he didn't mean it and ask him what he meant because he'd never purposely hurt my feelings. And THAT is just another reason that I love this man of mine!

    1. Aww, Deena, that is such a cute little story. Am so glad to hear about what a great guy you have in your life. We are very lucky women.


  11. Great job, Ella! Thanks to my late mother-in-law, there has never been a problem with the toilet seat in my house but what is it with guys? The loo with the seat up just looks plain UGLY!
    Rosie xx

    1. Rosie,
      Actually Sam and the boys did learn this early on. We had a cat once who loved to play in an open toilet, and our whole bathroom was always covered in water. Everyone put the seat and the lid down, too.

      Hugs Across the Pond,

  12. LOLOL Ella!!! I love your creativity here, and this post is so fun!! I had a good laugh right through. Right on, Sister! <3

    The toilet seat thing has never been an issue here. Rob learned at a young age, and we taught our boys when they were little too. Recently, a friend told me that it is good karma to put the lid down too (or something like that), so I try.

    Love your, "buy the shoes, hide the evidence!" LOL I used to do that one. Now if I buy the shoes, I show the evidence. HA! Works out better for me. Wonderful, fun post! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  13. Thanks, Katie,
    The Man Rules made me laugh when I read them at Cat's house, but I thought they were fertile ground for even more humor.

    I used to hide the evidence, but since ttwd, I have a shoe budget. I still would not like Sam to know how many pairs I have.

    Someday you and I must visit Loft together! I would love that.

    Partner in Crime,

  14. Ella, I LOVE these responses to the "man rules". Perfect smile to start my day. Thank-you! Toilet seats are always down at our house - unfortunately our boy has poor aim sometimes...when he tries to say he didn't do it I tell him his sister and I can't do that and his dad is usually the one to clean the toilet so it isn't him either... :-) Hugs to you