Friday, September 15, 2017

Roses and Gatorade



 



To miss a dream vacation once because of a health issue is a major disappointment.  It happened to me last fall, and I can't tell you how miserable I was for many weeks.  Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and couldn't care less if people thought I was over the top.  Ignored consolation from family and friends and wallowed in self-pity.  The illness was so awful, and I just couldn't put the sorrow aside.  Sam ached to help me get over being so sad and so sick.  I finally started talking to people again.  It even helped when I was able to go back to work.   Didn't really come around until my guy propped me up in front of the computer and said we were going to plan our trip once more.  That was when I started being me again.



Self Pity - ...the grave you're digging for yourself.



Unfortunately, the health issue cleared up before the gastroenterologist could get it properly diagnosed.  Of course, I was overjoyed that it was finally gone after almost 7 weeks, but the thought that it would ever happen to me again left me as twitchy as a canary with a cat staring into its cage.  The doctor calmed me down with a plan to have a "miracle" drug with me anytime I planned to go farther that the city limits.





Slowly I began to travel again - always with my miracle medicine in tow.  Never a hint of a recurrence.  But as Sam and I prepared and packed for our 2nd go at our dream trip overseas, the symptoms started up again, albeit milder at first.  "Not to worry," I thought.  Went to the doctor immediately, had several tests done, and was directed to begin the medicine I had in reserve as well as another med she prescribed.  There seemed to be a stronger connection between two of the symptoms this time.  After some internet reading, I also added a homeopathic treatment.  I was confident that I was improving quickly and that with plenty of refills on hand, it was a sure bet that we could leave on schedule.





Well, we did, but it all came to a screeching halt in the international terminal of a large east coast airport.  The horrible condition from last year was back in spades.  I just didn't want to believe it.  This couldn't be happening again a whole year later.  Sam took charge as I deteriorated physically.  As the illness gained momentum, I was more than willing to sit back and let Sam get us back home.  There were tears for sure, and Sam took care that I was on board with his decision.  He was the pilot.  My heart was broken, but I knew he was right.





We arrived home almost exactly 24 hours after we left.  The luggage was lost in 2 different cities and did not make an appearance for another 2 days.  In some ways I was more afraid of falling into depression than of the illness itself.  That mental state is a downward spiral that is difficult for me to stop.  As Sam gathered me into a big bear hug of comfort, I whispered that I was scared that it would happen to me again, like it did the previous year. 


                                         He whispered back, 
                   "Don't be afraid.  I will not let it happen this time."  




Even so, the tears started a dozen times that night.  The trip I had dreamed of for so long was not to be again .  By the next morning I was barely talking at all.  A hot shower felt good, but did nothing to improve my mood.  Knew I should try to eat something, but I had no appetite.  I forced myself to put an English muffin in the toaster and just stood there, head down and waiting. 


Sam came up and took me gently by the shoulders so he could look at my face.  "How is your stomach this morning?" he asked.  I told him that for now it seemed to have stalled for a bit.  


"But you are crying again, aren't you?"  I nodded my head even as the tears came back to my eyes.





"The moping isn't going to happen this time, Ella.  I won't let it," he said quietly and took my hand.  He led me to the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled me across one knee.  There was no anger, and Sam was very matter-of-fact as he lifted my nightgown.  He spanked with his hand, but it was not soft and sweet.  It was not meant to comfort me.  Each spank was a way for me to release a bit of the sadness that I didn't want to let go of.  Sam's way of pulling me back from the abyss of depression.




He talked about what he expected of me and what I could expect from him.  There was to be "no mopey stuff."
 

"Do you understand?" and he continued the spanking and paused for my assent with each point he made.  I could count on him for all the encouraging hugs and all the support I would need to get through this same horrible thing again.  Doctors visits and medications and tests.  But there was to be no pity party going on at all.  I was to call family members to explain what had happened, and I was to write to friends that were expecting us to be off on our vacation.  No building of walls.  No silence.  No days and nights of crying.




When he pulled me up, I practically gave the poor man whiplash as I grabbed to hug him and to feel his strong arms around me.  There was a soft "thank you" whispered in his ear.  I felt safe from the overwhelming sadness, and I could walk away from the edge of that pit.  He wasn't going to let me fall.  He was right there, and he wasn't going anywhere.




We rested up from the airport ordeal for almost 2 days.  I ate some and drank as much as I could, especially drinks with electrolytes.  We quietly enjoyed being together.  We smiled and talked and even laughed.  I called and wrote the people I most love in this world.  I got through conversations with hardly a tear.  Slept a lot and read a lot.


Finally, Sam went back to work one morning.  The house was too quiet, and I felt a little down for the first time since that spanking.  I was on the phone with a dear friend who had lots of good advice concerning the health issue that had returned.  I paused and asked her to hold for just a minute.  I heard the key in the front door unlock and knew it was probably Sam.  I met him coming down the hallway.  He held a beautiful bouquet of a dozen red roses in one hand and a 6-pack of Gatorade in the other.




                                "Love you, Ella," he smiled.  
            "I will check on you again.  Call me if you need me."

There was a quick kiss and he was out the door again.  I finished my conversation with my friend.  She couldn't see me, but I wager she could tell there was a big smile on my face.  Later there was an unexpected dedication that touched my heart, and I really thought about how lucky I was.




I would love to end with a happily ever after.  That is the name of my blog, after all.  But this is real life, and that didn't happen.

Just so you don't get all gushy about a happy ending, I fell from grace with Sam big time again last Monday.  Feeling so sorry for myself and thinking only of what adventures we were missing.  Of another special friend with whom I wasn't going to get to collect any hugs or laughs or silly times together.  Sam was patient with me at lunch that day but not when he arrived home that evening.

                         "Not going to happen.  I mean what I say."
                                       "Come with me, girl." 




My roses were still lovely, and I was still drinking lots of fluids, but this time there was a paddle doing a lot of the talking.  

                          The kisses came later with a warning.

               "There will be NO mopey stuff around here.  Got it?" 
              
           "Yes, sir," was all I said and stepped away from the edge.













28 comments:

  1. You have such a wonderful husband. But in a way I have to give you the credit for sharing with him these many years ago how you wanted TTWD. And he got it, he really got it. You are both so lucky. I wish you had no health problems, but they come with life. I'm so glad you have each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK,
      This was such a lovely comment. We are lucky for sure. I think ttwd is sometimes like a dance. The longer we do it, the better we get. We have learned to anticipate each other's next step, and what we need to do so that the dance continues smoothly. We still trip, but the other partner compensates. Still hard to remember who is leading and who is following.

      Love,
      Ella

      Delete
  2. Ella,
    We have all been rooting for you........ especially me! This is a strong, lovely post that spotlights the heart of a strong marriage as your dear friends circle round you in wishing you great health. We are all there with you.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do feel that circle, Mere. Some might say it is a virtual circle, but I it gives me strength just as surely as if you all were here to hold my hand. Never will take that for granted.

      Thankful and Smiling,
      Ella

      Delete
  3. I am so very sorry you had to cancel twice....what a big disappointment. You do have a wonderful man there....he certainly knows how to take care or you. Wishing your health problems are treated and get under control...third time is a charm!
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Third time.........? Thanks, Abby. There is a very good reason to work hard and get well. I will remember all these positive words as I tackle tests and treatments. Sam says we are "looking forward."

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  4. So very happy you have your wonderful Sam to help keep you out of that ugly pit. Sending prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

    Gentle hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Think I always feel your prayers, Cat. Your comments are special. Sam is a wonderful man, that's for sure.

      Thanks ahd Hugs,
      Ella

      Delete
  5. I'm so sorry to read that you are going through this again but look at what Sam learned from the last time. He knows how to support you and what you need to get through this. We are all here for you too Ella. You'll get your happy ever after. Just need to hang tight and take care of yourself.
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lovely comment, Amy. You are right. Sam has grown into his role, and it makes me feel very safe from the feelings of loss and sadness that can take hold of me. They really are scarier than the illness.

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  6. Ella, your Sam is wonderful keeping you from going into the black hole. What a beautiful way of showing you he cares bringing you home the gorgeous roses and Gatorade.
    Sending positive healing vibes for a speedy recovery. Hopefully once your medical team figures it all out you will be as good as gold. Then maybe you can plan trip #3 without any hiccups.
    Hugs Lindy xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, Lindy, your comments may come from far away downunder, but they wrap me in a hug, just as sure as if you were standing beside me. Thanks, my friend.

      Sending Hugs Downunder,
      Ella

      Delete
  7. Oh Ella, This life is a hard journey, some good and some bad. Sam is your good and you have that all the time never mind missing a holiday or two. There is always time for that Malarkey, we are all waiting patiently for you to be properly better before you get around to that galivanting. One day it will have been worth the wait.
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loved your comment about "that Malarkey." My dad used to use that word. I will put on my big girl shoes and keep up my spirits. Soon I will get back to my galivanting. Thanks your practical advice, dear girl.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

      Delete
  8. I know how disappointed you are about missing the trip of a lifetime again but your health comes first. Best to deal with it and think about tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny words from a sunny friend. You have always said that health comes first. Wise counsel.

      Ella Smiling

      Delete
  9. Ah Ella,
    So disappointing to miss the trip, I understand how that feels. Maybe there will be a thrid time is the charm try?

    Hope you are hanging in okay, the mystery medical issues are so hard to deal with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Third time is a charm. I will keep that uppermost in my mind and do whatever it takes to crack this mystery.

      Thanks, Bleue,
      Ella

      Delete
  10. Ella I was so sorry that you had to miss your holiday for a second time but health is more important. There will be time for that again when you are fully fit. Sam is your strong man, wonderful that he knows exactly what you need.

    Thinking of you and hope your doctor can get to the bottom of it (excuse the pun:))

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your pun made me laugh, Ronnie! Health first and holiday follows. I am working with a great doctor this time and am optimistic that we will find a reason for this nightmare.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

      Delete
  11. Health is everything, both physical and mental. Be greatful that you are beginning to feel better, AND for that amazing man of yours. He's got you and that's a very important part of this story. Travel will come and go and I'm sure your time will come round again. Enjoy each other and continue to take care of yourself. I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laurel,
      You are so right about the mental health. Sam is right by my side, and it makes all the difference. Thank you for the encouragement!

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  12. Oh Ella, I am so, so sorry. To miss out on a dream vacation not once but twice is truly awful and unbelievable. I feel badly for you.

    I'm so glad you have your wonderful man by your side to help you through. Sam is so wonderful and I just love the roses and gatorade :)

    I hope you can get to the bottom of the problem and that you feel better soon.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did love both the roses and the Gatorade. Good medicine for my body and my spirits. Am working hard with the doctor to solve this one. More tests tomorrow.

      Hugs From Ells

      Delete
  13. Hi Ella, :) Giant hugs sent your way! My heart goes out to you! xoxo

    This post shows me a loving couple, working together to get through a rough time, using what they have learned about loving well, and reaping the benefits in spades! Your fella has you, and your response to him is beautiful! A great example of how well this all can work when the chips are down.

    SO loved the roses and Gatorade! I am more than sure that your friend, on the phone, could tell how big your smile was! I'm pretty sure that her smile was mighty big too! SO sweet! Hoping that you are feeling much better! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have tears running down my face. It is terrible that you got sick again and missed your vacation. But having the marriage that you do, well that is beyond any kind of expectations. I love the relationship you two have. Sam was everything you could need or want. So happy for you...

    ReplyDelete
  15. You are both so lucky to have each other...I love hearing about the connection you two have together. Hugs and healing wishes

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so sorry your trip was ruined :( You do have a wonderful husband though.

    ReplyDelete