Monday, June 25, 2018

SimpliSpanked




I thought about whether to share this story for a while, mostly because I was so dumb.  The whole post reminds me of an episode of I Love Lucy.  "Oh, Ricky!"  "Oh, Lucy!"  If you knew the GPA from my graduate degree, you would say, "How can she be such an idiot?!"


Several months ago, Sam decided that we needed to invest in one of those self-installed security systems.  It's called SimpliSafe.  Sam likes gadgets.  We have cooking gadgets in our kitchen that we don't need.  We have  building and maintenance gadgets in the garage we don't need.  We have lots and lots of technology crap we don't need.  The only gadgets I do not complain about are the sex gadgets Sam loves to buy.  He just got one for me called "Starlet - Your NewComer."  Clever name.  And on the advice of a dear friend, there is something called a "TangoTouch" that is on back order.


SimpliSafe was easy to install and Sam spent several happy hours getting each component perfectly positioned and working.  He kept calling me to see what I thought of where he was placing the sensors, and I tried to seem eager about the whole project.  He loves it when I appear amazed about his latest "Presto Burger Press."

                                  Introducing the easiest setup ever. No drilling.
                                   No wiring. No tools. Just plug in your Base
                                     Station, place your sensors, and in a few
                                       minutes your whole home is protected.





There are sensors on all the windows and doors, and I will admit they are not ugly or intrusive.  You need to be sure everything is closed before you switch on the system.  Right by the front door, there is a keypad where you press the "Away" button when you are leaving the house and a voice tells you to exit now and other stuff.  When you return, you have 90 seconds to enter a self-chosen number code that shuts the alarm system off.  Then the voice says, "Alarm Off."

                                    Simpli Simple, right?  


When it is first installed, there is a grace period of 2 weeks in which to make mistakes as you learn all the rules.  I did make the whole system go off once during that time; the alarm was exceedingly loud!  Freaked me and the dogs out big time.  Sam also took the key ring away from me because I set off the little, red "Panic" button trying to find the damn keys in my purse.




After the grace period, both the live monitoring center and the local police are notified.  No one would really complain if there was a bona fide burglar, but they are not as patient with people like me that seem to have trouble with all things tech-related.  About 2 weeks ago, I did something really stupid.  I will freely admit it.  On my way out for an errand, I pressed the "Away" button, locked the door, and headed for my truck.  Damn!  Forgot my grocery list.






It hadn't been but 5 or 6 seconds, and somehow, in my head, it made sense that I could dash back in the house, grab the list, and be out the front door again before the voice on the system could even finish her blurb which says, "Please exit now.  There is a blah, blah, blah....."  And I did beat her message and took off down the road.  I hadn't even gone 4 blocks when there was a call on the Bluetooth system in my truck.  (Don't really understand Bluetooth either, but that is another story.)  The person on the line asked me for a password, but I could only remember our pin number.  Apparently that took too long, and the police were notified.


Sam was actually fairly patient.  I apologized profusely and admitted that I had done something really stupid. 





"Ells, I can't believe you didn't think it through.  You should have known that you couldn't 'beat' the alarm," Sam said and sighed.  He went on and said a bunch of tech stuff that went right over my head.  He was very serious, though, about not calling out the police on a wild goosechase and taking them away from their real work.
  

But then two days later there was a letter in the mail with a warning from the police department.  If this happened again, there would be a $150 fine.  So Sam lectured me some more, waving the letter around a bit.  I promise you all that I listened with deferential attention.  Sam seemed satisfied that I would be more careful in the future.  And I was.....until yesterday.


Coming home from Sam's Club (no relation to my Sam) with lots of perishable food.  As I put the key in the lock, I could hear the phone ringing and thought it had to be the painter I had been trying to contact.  The alarm went right out of my head as I scurried to the phone.  I was busy talking to the painter when the alarm went off.  IT IS LOUD, and I dropped the phone on the counter and keyed in the PIN within ten seconds.  The noise stopped.  I told the painter I would call him back. Instead I dialed Sam, and as the phone rang, I thought,

                   "Oh, noThis is it.  The police are going to come, 
                                  and Sam is going to kill me!"


There is a double meaning here, I think.


This time he did not sound so patient.

"EL-LA, how could you do th----"

I cut him off, apologized, and asked about how to notify the SimplSafe people.  He told me what to do, but the number was definitely not the monitoring center and I finally gave up.  However, there were no phone calls from the security company and no sirens pulling up outside.  I started to breathe again thinking I had shut it down quickly enough that I didn't set off anything this time.  Whew!  After about 15 minutes, I felt like I had dodged the bullet.


                                That was until Sam came home. 


He came in the front door with the dog.  He kissed me long and hard like every night. Then he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.  For a short time I couldn't understand what was happening.  Talk about dumb.  I even thought, for a second or two, that he had plans for a "just because I love you" spanking.  By the time I was over the bed, I realized this was going to be more like a "just because you screwed up" spanking.




"It was an accident, Sam.  I forgot.  I got distracted.  It's not fair to spank me for a mistake," I protested. 


"Not spanking you for an innocent mistake.  I am spanking you to help you to be mindful when you are leaving the house or coming home," he lectured.  "I don't want to pay a fine to the city, and I don't want a cop to be called away from his job just because you aren't taking this seriously."


There was no paddle, and the spanking didn't last very long at all.  Sam hugged me and told me to be careful from now on.  To think, slow down, and be careful.  Done deal.  I was still a little indignant about it, but I kept that to myself.


On the following day I had lots of errands to run and one outing with a friend.  I am being very honest here.  Each and every time I went in or out the front door, I thought of that spanking and I was exceedingly diligent about the steps needed to both activate and deactivate the alarm system.  And then I thought about that same dear friend who once wrote about the connection between the brain and the bottom.  It was true!  Everything I needed to remember was right at the front of my mind.  How does that work? 




That night I climbed on Sam's lap and told him that I was actually glad that he had spanked me because I remembered everything so clearly that day.  His brows furrowed, and he said with a smirk, "Well, I guess it's a good thing, but I really don't care one way or the other if  you were happy about the spanking or not.  Not my problem.  Just don't mess up the alarm again, Ells."


What did I expect?  For him to say he was so glad that I approved of the spanking?  That wasn't going to happen.  And when you think of it, that's really the way it should be.  He spanks, and I listen.  Done deal.

                                           SimpliSpanked





24 comments:

  1. Oh my, it's hard to remember everything isn't it? Especially when it's all new. I may have a post up tomorrow with the other side of this story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is the other side to this story, PK? Perhaps I become proficient in tech-related activities? God, I wish.

      Can't wait to read your next post!
      Ella

      Delete
  2. I hated it when we had an alarm system, Ella. It would make me feel panicky every time I came in the door, trying to get the code in on time ... or if something accidentally went off, remembering all the processes that had to be followed. I am so happy we don't have one here or really any need for one. Glad to hear your spanking made a bum to brain connection ;))

    And as for your other new gadget ... The Starlet ... I got something similar but a different brand, as part of the getaway toy purchases ... BIG thumbs up! ;))

    Hugs!
    nj

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    Replies
    1. NJ, I can't tell you how happy I was to read that many of you hate alarm systems, too! I really felt so dumb and thought I was the only one. Feel much better now. Well, unless the alarm goes off again.

      Hugs to You,
      Ella

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  3. Hi Ella,

    Oh dear,alarms make me panicky too. Thank goodness there were no visits or fines! Funny how the bum to brain connection works isn't it lol. Glad Sam was able to help you remember :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Hello, dear Roz,
      Too true. I guess burglars would also make me feel panicky, too. If there is ever a fine, I am quite sure there will be a sequel to this post.

      Sending Hugs Down Under,
      Ella

      Delete
  4. Ugh i would hate an alarm system. I'm always panicking to get the code in time. Not to mention i'm usually rushing out of the house and tend to pop back in for something I'd forgotten. I'd be in big trouble with the police for sure.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly, Fondles. Usually I forget my phone, and Sam doesn't like that either. Also, my water bottle, my sunglasses, the outgoing mail, and a jacket. There may be an APB out on me any time now.

      Thanks for Visiting,
      Ella

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  5. I hate alarms. I get quite panicky. I've messed up a couple of times at our office and the building manager had to come out. He wasn't too pleased with me and neither was P.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you and P also own your own business, you completely understand, Ronnie. Considering how bad I am at my new phone, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

      Delete
  6. Ella,
    Once long ago, we stayed in a home of friends who had an alarm system. They went to Hawaii and we stayed with the alarm system. That thing scared me to death. Jack would go into the house when we returned at night and I would wait in the car. Our home now has an alarm system that we have never activated. Those things are scary all by themselves. Sam means business....... so be very careful ..........
    Meredith

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    Replies
    1. Ha! Good story, Mere. I would rather stay in the car, for sure. Yes, Sam does mean business and so does the police department. I am being very careful, my friend.

      Ella Concentrating

      Delete
  7. Ella,
    This is a funny story in which you got spanked, so even better. hehe What is this 'brain and bottom' connection you speak of and is there anywhere to read about it in blog land? I set the alarms off at work once.... awful. LOL Trying to talk to the security people on the phone while my ears were bleeding from the noise..... couldn't remember the password and the person was trying to give me hints. LOL!! I figured it out eventually. Ack! Thanks for sharing your story. I liked it. Hugs, Windy

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    Replies
    1. Oh, Windy, you will have to ask Mere to repost that story for some Throw Back Thursday. It was such a good one. And a very good lesson to take with you.

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  8. Gosh I totally get it! I never want to be last out at work since I’d need to set alarm.... then all those passwords etc! No way!
    I’d need a spanking too!
    Glad you’re bottom and brain were on the same wavelength after the spanking!

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    Replies
    1. Good gravy, Minelle. It is so good to have you making comments again! Hope life is smoothing out for you and the Scotsman. You deserve a break.

      The spanking was more effective than 30 pages of the instruction manual.

      So Says Ella

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  9. You know what is so funny, the entire time I was reading this, I expected to see a SimpliSpanked logo stamped on your butt at the end of this tale. LOL. Eric put RING on our front door this summer. I keep forgetting to check my phone before I answer and I've been caught a couple of times with sales people and other strangers looking for a handout or whatnot. "What's the point of having the device if you are not going to use it correctly?" he ponders. "I don't know," I think back. "You're the one who installed it!" Like Sam, Eric is a gadget man.
    Amy

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    Replies
    1. Amy, I wonder if they have one on those stamps? What is it with guys and gadgets anyway? Why don't they go shoe shopping. Now that is a smart way to spend money.

      Just Saying,
      Ella

      Delete
  10. I can relate to this, Ella. I’m totally hopeless with digital gadgets of all kind. That brain to bottom connection works well in our house too; it’s a long time since I’ve been out without my phone.
    Rosie xx

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    Replies
    1. Glad you understand, Rosie. Yes, I also forget my phone, but Sam hasn' called me on it yet. I will keep you posted.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

      Delete
  11. Technology or advances in said technology is for the birds. Hoss thinks that gadgets are to be used...while I stand there mystified by how to use them. Alarms? I have a dog for that!
    --Baker

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    Replies
    1. Baker, you ought to see me screw up all the new stereo gadgets. What happened to CDs? Where the hell is my Blake Shelton!?

      Totally Useless at Tech,
      Ella

      Delete
  12. makes sense to me...spanking leads to better memory...no wonder my memory is so poor these days...sigh :-) Hugs to you

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  13. It’s funny that spanking serves so many purposes, glad it helped in your case.
    I am also not technically inclined, so when my guy tells me details about his projects I try hard to watch and listen but truly I’m a deer in the headlights with all this stuff.
    Good luck maintaining that brain to bottom connection!

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