Friday, October 21, 2016

Cry Me a River




Lately, I have cried so many tears, poor Sam has probably thought about purchasing flood insurance.  One day when I had turned on the water works yet again, I started to think about why we cry and reasons why it happens.





Tears are unique to humans.  Other animals may wail or howl or whimper, but human beings are the only animal that sheds tears.  We start early.  As soon as we are born, we can cry, although this is in an instinctual way to communicate and call for help.






While non-emotional tears keep the eyes lubricated and wash out irritants like dust on a windy day or the acidic gas released into the air when you slice an onion, emotional tears can start to fall for a variety of reasons.  Women cry more than men - about 5 times as often.  I believe that, and so would Sam!


Think of the joy you felt when you held your infant for the first time.  When you finally hug a loved one after a long separation .  When you unexpectedly walk into a surprise party full of friends and family.  I remember getting tears in my eyes when I finally met some dear fellow bloggers this year.  Joyful tears may make your mascara run, but you're just too happy to care.  Goodbyes can also involve tears, but can be much harder.





Other welcome tears can occur with prolonged laughter.  Just last night I got to teasing Sam and he got to swatting my bottom.  It sort of escalated and we were both having quite a bit of fun.  I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even spit out my next witty remark.  Sam had me sitting on his lap, and I was positively guffawing.  Soon there were tears in my eyes while I tried to catch my breath.  He just loves when my laughing goes out of control.






I believe pride is another reason that the tears come.  It is a rare occasion that I don't have a few well up when I sing the Star-Spangled Banner in a crowd.  When Son #2 graduated from veterinary school, I was definitely one of the weepy moms in the auditorium.  The proud realization that a student or patient is succeeding due to my efforts can bring a tear as well.






Now we'll make our way into the times when you cry for more complex or unpleasant emotions.  A mild but important one is empathy.  It develops slowly in a child.  They move from a more self-centered stage of emotional growth to becoming more abstract thinkers and understanding a depth of feeling in other people or even characters in a book or movie.  I remember the first movie in which I cried.  It was Old Yeller when that sweet dog dies at the end.  Recall being sort of frightened by those tears because I didn't fully understand why.






Certainly many of us can remember a time when we were so frustrated or angry that the tears fell.  More often as a youngster, but even as an adult there have been situations where my temper wants to rule.  Even with Sam there have been isolated instances when I was so mad that I was crying and yelling at the same time.  Hasn't happened but once since ttwd became part of our lives, and, as you can imagine, that did not turn out well for me.



Fear or shock may be so monumental, you can't find the words to deal with it, but tears can start almost immediately.  Every September 11th and many other days through the year bring me back to those tears and the paralysis I felt as I watched the towers fall and tried to comprehend how many people were inside.  What it all meant to our country.





  
Have understood regret all too well in these last few months.  Tears are never going to roll back time and change things.  Sometimes you regret something you did or something you didn't do.  Other times we tearfully regret something that befalls us.  Of course, regret can lead to sorrow.  We regret that our loved ones pass away or even that one of them makes decisions that separate us forever here in this life.  Memories are triggered by so many factors and often tears spring into our eyes in a moment.  A song, a scent, a place, a photo, a letter, even a dream.





Finally, I think we should examine tears and spanking.  It is a topic about which I have eagerly pored over in blogs, articles, and books.  Some subs can and others can't.  I have only read womens' thoughts on the subject, but those who say they can't cry often wish they could.  I did count myself among those for a long time.  For very long when Sam and I first started ttwd, there was no huge gush of tears with a spanking.  If the pain caused a tear in my eye, it was really no different than stubbing my toe.


I longed for that feeling of release of which other women spoke.  How the combination of the spanking and the tears cleansed whatever distance that had been created by words or actions or even pulling away.  We associate water with cleansing, whether we are literally washing the grime off our hands or figuratively like a baptism washes away one's sins.  Tears can cleanse, too.





 
Once read that for many women, after you finally cry for the first time during a spanking, it happens more easily after that.  That has been true for me, and for that I am thankful.  I believe that especially when I am dealing with stress, the tears are just as important as the spanking.  The release feels complete, and I do have a sense of rebirth - ready to face life renewed and full of grace.

                              I remember that without water
                           there would be no life on this earth.




                                         Tears nurture us 
                              just like rain nurtures our planet.

                                 Tears give us our humanity.



20 comments:

  1. I have shed many tears in my life: tears of love, tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of disappointment, tears of anger, tears of hurt, tears of empathy, tears of great laughter. I expect I will shed many more. As you said it is part of being a feeling being. :-) Hugs to you and thanks for a wonderful post.

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    1. Terps,
      You are indeed a sensitive woman and very in tune with other people's feelings. It shows every time I read a Thankful Thursday.

      Hugs From Ella

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  2. As Jude Law says in the movie, The Holiday, "I am a major weeper."
    Wonderful post.

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    1. Hello Sunny Girl,
      There could be a whole other post just on the movies that make me cry. Songs, too. Count me proud to be a major weeper.

      Love and Hugs,
      Ella

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  3. Love this post, it is so right on. I have been more emotional lately also...I have learned that tears need to flow, for many reasons.
    hugs abby

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    1. Abby,
      I read somewhere that actually crying stimulates the production of endorphins. That is why we feel a little better after a good long cry.

      Hugs From Ella

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  4. Ella,
    I enjoyed reading about tears and crying. Spanking, those serious ones, are very emotional when I have not lived up to my promised role and a spanking is necessary. I cry before we even get started. Crying does help.
    Thanks for a little tutorial here.
    Meredith

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    1. Mere,
      I like how you mention your "promised role." Shame is another time when tears come easily. We strive to be the best we can be, but we all fall sometimes. It's that humanity thing again. We can never be perfect.

      Ella

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  5. I cry very seldom. I hid my tears so long they deserted me. There are many time I want them back. They can come when I'm very angry but thats almost never. I've never cried during or from a spanking. I know how important tears can be, yet sometime there are years that go by and I've never shed one.

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    1. PK,
      You are such a dear friend to me. Even if tears don't fall, your eyes always give away your secrets. You don't need tears to have a tender heart. Besides, I probably cry enough for both of us.

      Love,
      Ella

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  6. Love this post, Ella and agree with everything you said and yes, sometimes I just need a good cry. If I bottle up my tears too long, then I'll start crying at a sad picture or story on the internet. Hope you're feeling much better.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Glad you liked it, Cat. It just always strikes me as odd that tears can signify so many emotions. That very same son I mentioned above had to put down his own dog last week. Seeing his tears made me remember that he will always be my little boy. I ached for him.

      Hugs From Ella

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  7. Hi Ella, great post! It's interesting the many different types of tears that are shed and reasons why. Crying is so cathartic. Glad you and Sam shared some tears of laughter :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi to you, too, Roz. Sam just loves it when I laugh that hard. He will just hug me to pieces. He says he has never seen me as happy as I am since we came upon ttwd. It brings me great fulfillment.

      Very Lucky Ella

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  8. That was a very insightful and educational post! Thanks for sharing. I have cried only once during a spanking. But many more times thru confessing - feeling guilty and sorry for the wrong i'd done. I prefer the tears that come from laughing hard tho :)

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    1. The comment including "insightful" goes both ways. It is the confession and realizing my own shortcomings that bring on the tears the most quickly.

      Thanks for your Visit,
      Ella

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  9. Hi Ella! :) Oh I am so very happy to see you writing again! I hope that you are feeling so much better! I love hearing that you laughed until you cried, and about your interaction with Sam! Awesome! I'm glad that you are writing. You have so much to share. Here is a great example!

    What a wonderful piece! Thank you for educating us, as well as leading us to think about tears, and crying. It is interesting to think that in the past, tears were often looked at as a weakness to many. Guys were told that they should not cry. I think over time, that seems to have changed in some ways, but perhaps it still remains for many. I personally love seeing the tenderness of Rob, wiping his eyes after a touching movie, or some similar occasion. Rob says that he thinks that there was a shift after becoming a father. I don't know if that is true, but it is a sign of his caring, soft side- part of the makeup of the man that I love so much.

    Tears and spanking... I don't tend to cry during a spanking- such as a "daily", or a spanking to get my attention- such as an attitude buster. Lately though, I seem to cry for many of them... In general, it all depends on what the spanking is about. If I feel that I let Rob down in some way by my behavior, it often leads to crying- which can start before the spanking does. Other times, Rob will purposely spank just long and hard enough to help me get to a much needed release. He is pretty good at knowing when to act. It is all very cathartic!

    Lastly (I'll work on brevity! Sheesh!), I know this very wise & wonderful woman, who recently told me that a good spanking, a good cry, followed by a good hike works wonders for one in a funk. She was right! Poof! Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad that you are back here! Feel good! Many hugs and love,

    <3 Katie

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  10. Katie Trouble,
    You are so intuitive. I am glad to be back, and it makes me very happy that you are glad, too.

    Sam will cry most easily when we are reading together. Also when he is telling me how glad he is that I am his "girl." That has surely been true for many years.

    I think we are very lucky women....to have men that care enough to spank. No funks allowed! And yes, I cry most often when I have come up short.

    Katie T, you must never work on brevity! It just wouldn't be the same. I like you just the way you are.

    Hugs From Ella

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  11. Ella, what an interesting post. It's not surprising you've cried many tears these last few weeks, given your illness and its consequences. I'm a cryer too but I've never cried during a spanking, though my mascara has run a few times. I hope you are getting better, it's good to see you back.

    Belated hugs from across the Pond,
    Rosie xx

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  12. Rosie, I am feeling much better and it feels good to be writing again. I certainly cannot cry every time, but when it happens, the spanking and the tears bring back the calm. It is best if Sam can see that he needs to take care of the stress.

    I love knowing what your smile looks like now!
    Hugs Across the Pond,
    Ella

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