Your're So Gay !

Last year for Valentine's Day, I shared stories of memorable February fourteenths that included ones from high school dances, special surprises for my boys, and right on up to bedroom celebrations with Sam.  Once I posted that one, I realized I had forgotten the funniest Valentine's story of all.  Guess it's strange that the story doesn't include Sam, except for how hard it made him laugh.

As a younger woman I was quite active in drama.  Even after high school and college, I continued with community theater and some paid roles at a local dinner theater.  The best director I ever worked for was a thoroughly lovable and totally ostentatious gay man.  I will call him Brian.  He became a dear friend over the years, and I so missed him when he moved out of state.

He always had a clear mental image of how he wanted a scene to look.  As he blocked out each act of the play with his actors, he would jump up to show you how he wanted you to move or a mannerism special to your character, or the body language he visualized.  Brian knew just the way he thought a line should be delivered, and I always maintained he could play any part, male or female, far better than his actors.  If it was a comedy, he would have us all in stitches when he chose to portray a woman character for our education and enjoyment.  He was a gifted actor as well as a director.

Well, Brian had given me the lead role in a British bedroom farce he was directing.  This was maybe my 3rd or 4th production with him, and we got along like macaroni and cheese.  It was a silly play about a fancy English woman who decides to have an affair because her rich husband does not pay enough attention to her.  The whole cast was great, and the actor who was playing my husband had also been cast as my husband in a serious drama several years before.  We all had so much fun together; it often reminded me of a group of kids away at summer camp.

Brian was not only a director, he was a hairdresser.  No surprise there.  Anyway, we did not have a large budget for costumes, and he told me we were going to a discount store to search for a short red negligee for several of the bedroom scenes.  The day we went shopping turned out to be Valentine's Day, and Brian decided we would go together before we went to rehearsal that evening.  When he showed up, he had dyed half his hair red and the other half pink.

When we arrived at Wal-Mart, everyone was staring at us, and Brian was as loud and crazy as ever.  He grabbed all the nighties he liked, and we headed to the changing rooms.  He sent me in with all the hangers and told me to come out to show him each one.  I begged him not to make me come out, but he was adamant.  He thought I would pick something too conservative.  So I came out of the dressing room at least 8 times to show him each outfit.  Let me assure you that I had on dance hosiery and undergarments as well.

So this very gay man with red and pink hair starts loudly telling everyone in that end of the store what he thinks of each and every outfit.  "Oh, my god, absolutely no one would fuck you in that one!  Awful!  Show me something else."  The crowd outside the changing room was growing every time I came out.  My face was as red as the nightie, but Brian could have cared less.  "We need one that shows more of your tits!  Throw your chest out."  I was mortified.  OMG.

 He finally chose one, and we were on our way.  I made him buy me dinner before rehearsal and told him that after the shopping
nightmare I really needed a couple of beers.  He said, "No, you need to give up beer for six weeks.  We certainly don't want you to have a beer belly in that outfit!"  I wanted to throttle him that night, but truthfully, I loved him dearly.  Best director I ever had!

In case you were wondering, there was unfortunately no spanking in this play.  It would have actually been quite appropriate considering the subject of this comedy.  However, if you have ever swooned when the beefy hero in a spanking romance scoops up the heroine to carry her to bed, I did get carried to bed by my "husband" in the final scene.  Seeing that the poor guy was a friend, and also that I had to wear that damn red negligee, I was careful not to gain a pound.  Sam knew Brian well and thought the whole story was incredibly funny.  His eyes did light up, though, when I brought home that little red piece of lingerie.  He certainly did not pick me up and carry me to bed, but I made sure he knew that he would always be my one and only valentine.