Monday, January 7, 2019

Been Gone Too Long




Just a Little Note - The last five months of life have brought some really big challenges to Sam and I.  There have been long periods when I haven't blogged or even been reading in blogland.  I missed you all very much.  I even forgot that warm feeling that comes from communication with other women who accept me as I am. There is something special about keeping in touch with you all that leaves a big hole in my heart when I cannot be here.  Feels so good to be back.


At our house, Sam usually believes that my bossiness is best dealt with over the bed.  He and Mr. Paddle seem to know when enough is enough.  We all meet in the bedroom and I usually don't have any pants on.  Although I am never in favor of this sort of spanking at the time, I must admit that it usually reins in my natural tendency to "manage" everything, including Sam.


  

Lately, though, there have been extenuating circumstances here at Sam and Ella's house.  Sam underwent surgery several months ago, and it has taken time for him to heal and find his old energy level.  There was a considerable amount of pain to deal with as well.  Any surgery for our dear ones can give us cause to be nervous, but this one was really scary.  I was happy and matter-of-fact and positive because Sam needed me to be that way.  But deep inside I didn't feel so brave.  It was cancer, and that word is just plain frightening.





All went very well the surgeon said, but I know we will both be on pins and needles for many years when it comes time for the scheduled check-ups that search for any signs that the cancer may have spread.  I have read blogs and emails from some dear friends on this subject, and now I am living it, too.


I pray.



So back to the topic of bossiness.  It is through my visits to all of you that I know that most of us have at one time or, even more likely, have regularly grappled with the fact that we can be too bossy.  Just because we are worried or concerned about something or someone, doesn't make it OK.  It is still damn irritating to the men we live with.  And ttwd has been a good way for Sam to deal with my bad habit of stepping in to "run the show."  I admit that teachers can be worse at this than others.  If you have ever managed a classroom, you will know what I mean. 



And it is just natural for me to be bossy when someone isn't feeling well.  Recently I talked on the phone with a fellow blogger and friend who had been feeling poorly for quite a while now.  Her symptoms really did alarm me.  So what did I do?  I started bossing her around.  


"Good golly!  You simply must get in to see the doctor.  Be sure you start to record when these episodes begin.  The doc will want to know.  How long do they last?  Write down what you ate.  Are you taking anything?  You mustn't drive when you feel like that.  It could be dangerous."




Now this lovely friend did not get mad at me.  She knew I cared about her a lot.  She thanked me for the card I sent to her.  She knew she really should get in to see a doctor.  She certainly didn't want to spank me!  But husbands are made of different stuff.  Know what I mean?


So my concern for Sam after he came home from the hospital caused me to try and make him most comfortable and follow all the doctor's orders to the letter.  When he should take his prescriptions, when he should rest, what he should eat, how long he should walk and probably 5 other things as well. 


There were 2 things that Sam did when he'd had enough.  I am sure you can guess one of them.  Once he was well enough to wield a paddle, he put me over the bed for a long talk, and I came to my senses quickly.  He did appreciate my taking good care of him but not the hovering.  We "discussed" this more than once during his recuperation.






But the second thing Sam did was simply something he said to me.  It about knocked me over.  One morning as we were both getting dressed, I TOLD Sam that he ought to be doing something.  Don't even remember now what it was,

But he turned to me and, with a voice dripping with sarcasm, said 

                                     "Thank you, Mother."

I stopped dead in my tracks.  He looked at me.  I looked at him.  I wanted to argue with him, to deny that I was acting like a mother, but I knew he was right.

Have you ever thought to yourself that a spanking could be better that hearing just 3 little words?  At that moment, I would have paid a lot for the spanking.




Did I never utter another dictate?  No, of course not.  Has Sam never spanked me again for being bossy?  Not bloody likely.  But we both turned a corner that day.  And sitting on Sam's lap one night we once again talked about how ttwd and our efforts to live our roles had made this wrench thrown in our lives a little bit easier and a lot more positive.  We grew and learned from it, too.  I think it's been said a hundred times in the blogs I read and by the friends I've made, but it is AMAZING sometimes to see the power and transformation that this thing we do brings to a couple that embrace it.


 


      

23 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with the big C. I am glad Sam is recovered and know that you both will handle the next few years together.

    Sam's comment made me laugh though! The Sheriff has said the same thing to me!

    Boo

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    1. Thank you, Boo,
      I prayed I would never hear that C word from a doctor. It was like being punched in the stomach. We are dealing with it day by day and living on love.

      Hugs From Ella

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  2. It's a fine line we walk when someone health is our concern. Some men act like babies when they have the common cold. Others would drag themselves off to work with a bullet in the chest. We have to know which one we're married to. When something is really wrong with a husband who acts needy when they have the sniffles and when to put our foot down (be bossy) and tell them they must have the bullet wound checked out.

    I've had the 'yes, mother' comment to which I've answered, 'Don't act like a child and I won't act like your mother'. That didn't even get me spanked - sigh.

    Sounds like you are finding a healthy balance to a problem you can't solve overnight. Keep up the good work, both of you.

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    1. PK, I laughed a little to hear you have been called that, too. Thanks, my friend. Maybe it is the teacher in us!!

      We are indeed looking for a healthy balance each and every day. Spankings help!

      Hugs From Ella

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  3. Ella,
    Welcome back! It sounds like you've been away from blog land for about as long as I've been here, but somehow you have made great comments on my blog along the way. I am always grateful for that, but even more so now knowing what you and Sam have been dealing with. I wish and pray good health for you both.

    I would not have responded well to the "Mother" comment well at all. I have one particular phrase in mind that is too colorful for anyone's blog! Let me try though...LOL .... I'll soften it..... "Do you have sex with your mother?" And I am sure I would have gotten spanked, but I would have said it anyway. Well, you handled it very well, Ella. So glad the ttwd is helping you and Sam in so many ways especially during this most difficult time. Sam is helping you recognize that there are times you have to keep your foot on the gas peddle while being alert and ready to hit the breaks more often as you navigate this life's meandering road together. Hugs, Windy

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    1. Windy,
      You always make me laugh. I certainly do love this corner of blogland. Some days, though, there just hasn't been time.

      Exactly right! I think that I hated those words so much because NO man wants his wife to sound like his mother! And for sure, I have hit the brakes when I start to talk like that.

      Hugs From Ella

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  4. So glad to see you back posting, Ella ... we've missed you. I have appreciated, in the interim, how you've made the time to pop in now and again with comments.

    See the thing about strong women (or men), with leadership abilities, is we will naturally step into fill a void if we sense there is one. When Sam had his surgery and was down for the count recuperating, you would have have felt a void with his seemingly lack of strength ... until he set you straight, letting you know, ill or not it was still there :>)) In addition, of course, you only want the best outcomes for him so I do get all the care and fussing :>))

    Frank would never compare me to his Mom ... she had eight kids to look after. If you got a cuff on the ear, it was attention :>))

    We are happy to hear that Sam is on his way back to good health and have fingers crossed that the pending test angst doesn't get the best of you both and that the outcomes of said test are positive and have you fully on your way back to Sam and Ella Ever After ...

    Big hugs! ... nj and Frank

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    1. Awww, that is just the sweetest comment, NJ. There is no way to thank you and Frank for your caring and advice. You guys rock.

      Yes, the "Ever After" part is the goal. I guess there is nothing that shows Sam's recovery like a spanking. He is truly back in the swing most of the time, if you get my meaning!

      Hugs From Ella

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  5. Oh wow Ella. I meet a brand new friend,and you've always seemed so upbeat and cheerful. I would have never guessed you were walking through such a fire. Glad to know you both can start the new year resting in the recovery. Now for a clean bill a health for all of those annoying nerve-wracking check-ups that follow.

    I am really looking forward to getting to know you. I loved your post. I've always been a big believer in the fact that true love will do anything always to protect the ones they love (Thus, why this dynamic works so beautifully).

    But sometimes Matt and I do talk about the fact that I love him too -- just as much as he loves me and sometimes love propels me to do the hard and stubborn things -- even if I know consequences will follow. I think we both understand that usually, it not an unsubmissive spirit that drives that part of us -- it's fear. We are fearful for the ones we love and we kick into survival mode.

    I realise we don't know each other yet -- but sending hugs. -- shell

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    1. Oh, Shell, I feel like we are already getting to know one another. I have so enjoyed your new blog.

      Thanks so much for coming here to visit. This community of bloggers seems to prop up each other in bad times. I remember being such a doting mom when our boys were small. Doesn't work with husbands though. Especially if they spank.

      Hugs From Ella

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  6. Ella,
    You have been missed and you are needed in blogland. The stree of a husband not well is very ttrying and hard. The waiting can just about kill you, but test results take time. We are told to be patient and keep a positive attitdue. Both are very hard to do. So wait we must do. We are here to support you and Sam.
    Meredith

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    1. Thanks so much, Mere. Yes, it is the waiting that is taking its toll right now. Wish we could fast forward to the end of the month. Know which way we are headed.

      The comments today feel like they are filling me up with strength. How lucky that is, don't you think?

      Hugs From Ella

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  7. Ella, I was so glad to see this post, you have been missed. You and Sam have certainly had your share of worries, and I’m happy to hear that he is doing well and things are working their way back to normal for you both. Its so frightening when someone so dear to us is not well. I understand the need to care, and to overdo until you’re sure things are fine again. It sounds like Sam is feeling stronger, and that you are starting to find your place again. Thinking of you both and wishing you both good health and only great test results. xo

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    1. Laurel,
      It is like walking a tightrope at times. To be a good caretaker and to be a good ttwd wife. I will continue to work on where the middle road lies. Today feels so cheery because of all the lovely comments. :)

      Hugs From Ella

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  8. Hi Ella,

    Welcome back! It's great to see you post :)

    I'm so sorry you and Sam have been dealing with cancer. It is hard not to be bossy when it comes to the health of loved ones. So glad to hear the surgery went well and that Sam has recovered.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks, Roz!
      It does feel good to have a post up. Today we have another doctor appointment, and I will practice not being bossy. The surgery did go just as good as we could have hoped, but the waiting game sucks!

      Sending Hugs Down Under,
      Ella

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  9. Ella,

    Good to see you. You have been missed. Have been thinking of you both. I would be the same with P, it's hard not to when you know what your man has been/going through. So happy to hear Sam is back on the road to recovery.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. So nice to hear from you today, Ronnie. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts. He is on the road to recovery, seeing as the paddle has been out on a semi-regular basis. Today we are out to a lunch at a new Irish pub, and it sure is fun to be out and about again.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  10. Glad Sam is on the mend and that you have alleviated some of your fears through time and the benefit of having friends to get you through the situation. I'm a terrible nurse so Ray has no fear of me being overbearing during an illness. He only has to remember how I did when his knees were replaced and his kidney removed. Ashamed to say it's not my strongest suit.

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  11. Sunny,
    Leave it to you to make me LOL! I know you have taken care of a dear friend following a surgery, so you can't be all that bad. Besides, maybe that means Ray will avoid any and all medical issues.

    Miss you, Kiddo!
    Ella

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  12. Hi Ella,:) It's always so nice to see you around! I think that most people understand when someone is not around, and rejoice when they pop back in. It makes me smile to see you posting. I know that you, and Sam have been going through all of that. I'm so very sorry. I keep him, and you in my prayers. Thinking positive that you will hear nothing but good news from the doc.❤️

    It's hard not to be bossy when you care about someone, and love them so much. The good news is, that we have incentive to curb that behavior. Dang it is hard at times though! That kind of hard sure beats a hard paddle to the bottom! EEeeek! Hang in there, my friend! Wishing you the best of news, at the start of 2019! You so deserve a great year! Many hugs and love,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

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  13. So wonderful to see you here. Please know I think of you both often and continue to send healing thoughts and good wishes. I understand the feeling of being "bossy" when caring for those we love. I am sure the teacher comes out in me more than I mean to at times and while my husband may not spank me for it I am sure he does not appreciate the bossiness. Big hugs to you

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  14. I’m catching up after a week away from Blogland, Ella, and I’m so glad to see you here. I’ve overdone the bossy thing when Harry’s been poorly, too. “Thank you, Mummy,” was all it took to make me back off!
    So glad to hear that Sam’s surgery went well. I’ll keep you both in my thoughts and hope for a good result later in the month.
    Much love, Rosie xx

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