Friday, January 22, 2016

Long, Long Ago in a Marriage Far, Far Away




Long before ttwd, there were times when I would pull away from Sam.  We loved each other very much, but that wasn't always enough.  Sometimes it was because of a fight or disagreement.  More often, though, it was simply because of a perceived slight or careless words between us.  I would withdraw and become silent.  I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt him.  Neither of us would apologize, and neither of us would forgive.  It was amazing and stupid how long this could go on before we would come back together.




As the years went by, something else compounded this problem.  Along with the withdrawal, I started having bouts with depression.  Sometimes it seemed almost normal - the death of my father, for example.  Other times there really wasn't a reason.  Just pulling away from the people I loved or feeling dissatisfied with life could
bring on a  time of disturbing despondency.  The last significant episode even ended in a frightening health crisis.  When withdrawal
turned to depression, Sam got scared and would do everything he could to bring me back.  But once I fell into that sinkhole, it was really hard to pull me out.



 
Enter ttwd.  After I finally spilled my heart out to Sam about my need for spanking, there was a lengthy period of his finding his comfort zone.  He wasn't naturally dominant with me.  But as the connection grew between us, his confidence grew as well.  Both of us were amazed at the change in our marriage, and we never wanted to go back.  We also noticed that because we resolved small disagreements with a spanking, there weren't as many times I pulled away from him.


But even today, there are still occasions when it happens.  I disagree with a decision Sam makes or a situation out there in the real world gets me down.  And I pull away.  My bouncy, chatty self takes a nose dive, and I become as quiet as a mouse.  Now, Sam recognizes this change almost immediately.  And he doesn't let me sink or wring his hands over what to do. 



 
All day Sunday and Monday, there was something not quite right between us.  When I got home from work Monday night, Sam pulled me onto his lap and asked me what was wrong.  I slid off his lap and said I needed more time before I wanted to talk.  He just made a sound like "Mmmph" and told me to hurry up. 



There was no close spooning Monday night - a time where we both love the feeling of closeness and sweet talking before we fall asleep.  None of that.  Just this distance.


I am a morning person, and I get up early.  I mean early!  Like 3:45 am on work days.  I have lots I like to do before I even get in the shower.  The first thing is to catch up in my journals.  Let the dogs out and get them fed.  I get the house ship-shape and exercise, too.  There is usually some time to blog hop as well.


Well, Tuesday morning at exactly 4:00 am, Sam marched into the dining room with both a paddle and a leather strap in his hand.  He scared the hell out of me!  He never gets up 'til 6.  I had brewed the coffee but had not even had a cup yet.  He told me to get in there pronto and take off my pajama bottoms.  He pulled out a dining
room chair and told me to bend right over.  There was no lead-up; he just started in really hard with the paddle and told me I had better get my thoughts together quickly so that we could talk.  He said he does not like it when I get this way.  "I do not like silence.  We are not doing that ever again."  It was a serious spanking, and I could not help squirming since he was not holding me down.  He told me to stop it immediately and hold still.  Then when I was already hurting and the tears had started, he began with the leather strap.  Leather has a whole different feel and yikes!  He said we would be talking as soon as I got home that night.  Said that, "You had better get your act together," or we would repeat this later in the day. 


The message was clear.  I would not be allowed to pull away or drift into depression ever again.  Sam hugged me close and told me how much he loved me, but quickly.  Then it was all business.  He picked up the paddle and strap like he had just finished some chore and headed back down the hall to the bedroom.  He even went back to sleep! 




Once I got over the shock, I started to put all my thoughts in order as I did my morning tasks.  Some coffee helped, too!  By the time I got my sore ass  in the shower, the whole day looked brighter.  How in the world does a spanking do that for me?!  I am constantly amazed at that.  Gave Sam a really nice long kiss before I left for work, and he gave my bottom several gentle pats.


Yes, we talked as soon as I walked in the door Tuesday night.  Done and resolved in 10 minutes flat.  Back on his lap with lots of hugs and touching and laughing.  Absolutely no Prozac required. 










22 comments:

  1. I don't know why it works Ella, I only know it does. Perhaps it's just part of who we are.
    3.45 am?!! That's the middle of the night!
    Rosie xx

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    1. Hello Rosie,
      I am so liking you coming to visit! You are right about it working and also not understanding why. It helps to know that I am not the only one, though.

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  2. Happy for you. So glad Sam recognized the signs right away and helped "solve" the problem.

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    1. Thanks, Sunny. It has taken Sam a long time to feel confident enough to step in with spanking. He does not understand the "why" either but knows it will bring me back.

      Ella

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  3. So much of this could have been written by me - the silent pulling away part, not the getting up early to do things part. Spankings help enormously, but more than that it's the realization that they 'see' something is going on and they want us back. Spanking is our easiest way back. For some it might be flowers, but we know what we need and gratefully they are beginning to realize it too.

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    1. PK, I think your observations on this are spot on. Maybe we see spanking as a gift because it makes us feel loved in a way that nothing else does. You are right - could care less about flowers. I have told Sam he cannot make a mistake. A spanking is like saying "I love you."

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  4. I don't know why it works either, but I am so glad it does for you and for me. I have to say getting up extra early to set things straight sure does show lots of love...
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby,
      Yes, Sam is not a morning person. He told me later that he knew he should have spanked me the night before. He does not like the silence. I never see him at that time of the morning. It did show lots of love.

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  5. Hi Ella, I am so glad that Sam has got the hang of all this malarkey. it is amazing how spankings work but hey, don't knock it! I love getting up early and having the peace and quiet to catch up, read a bit, get the house just so,do the ironing. I love to be all sorted for when hubby appears and our day is chore free.Hope you are okay for the time being, depression is so hard to cope with
    love Jan,xx

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    1. Hi to you, Jan. Another morning person! I love that alone time, too. When it is warm enough, I take my coffee out to watch the sun rise. And yes, I do like "the house just so." It is funny you should understand that. Not many people do.

      It has been a long time since I have had real trouble with depression. I think ttwd has a lot to do with that. I feel so alive and happy most of the time now.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  6. Hi Ella, I'm so glad Sam saw the signs and took action to help you and to bring you back to him. Wow, that is an early morning spanking! I'm more of a night owl. It's amazing how spanking works isn't it? I think it's the release of tension and emotions.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Yes, Roz. I do feel that release, too. After spanking I am able to look at a problem or situation with clear eyes. It works and it makes me grateful every day.

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  7. Very good. He really read you correctly and solved the growing problem. Boy do I give him credit for getting up early to spank you! It works TTWD!

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    1. It does work, Minelle. And it was very early! Believe me, I was wide awake by the time he was done.

      Sending Hugs,
      Ella

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  8. So happy that Sam read the signs and didn't allow you to withdraw, Ella. Sheesh...you are definitely a morning person...yuck! :D Have no clue why it works, but it sure does doesn't it.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi Cat,
      I am happy that any little wall that I start building gets tumbled down quickly now.
      Morning is when I get caught up on all your Grins and Giggles before I ever go to work!

      Hugs From Ella

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  9. Boy Ella, I really related to this post. Although I'm not an early riser but the pulling away, slipping down a hole part. Spanking is amazing how it pulls us back. Sam is wonderful knowing the correct way to solve your problems especially getting up early to do it. Made me laugh you saying he went back to bed to sleep. Good on him!
    Hope you are feeling brighter again.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. I am glad that you understand about the withdrawing. I was hesitant to talk about it, but several people have said they can identify. Trust me, I am usually a very happy person! Maybe ttwd makes me feel a little safer. No sinkholes allowed.

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  10. sound like he totally understands and listens to your unspoken needs and I am so happy you both were able to reconnect in this special way. :-) Hugs

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    1. I liked what you said about "unspoken needs," Terps. Sam sees that so much clearer than before ttwd. I try to tell him how much it means to me.

      Thanks and Hugs from Ella

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  11. It is amazing what a spanking will do for us. Distancing in our house is definitely spankable. If and when it happens my guy will say "you can talk now or you can talk while over my knee, which way are we going here?" I've learned that it's in my best interest to pick the first option! Glad to hear all is good again in your house.

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  12. Ha, you really made me laugh, Laurel. The guys must have a club we don't know about. Sam says, "You can talk to me or you can talk to Mr. Paddle."

    Life is Good,
    Ella

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