Friday, April 29, 2016

The Sunday Roast




Well, you all haven't heard a "SIL Named Patty" episode in a while, but she is still pretty much a constant thorn in my side.  On the rare weekend I don't have to see her, my whole outlook is different - like someone sent me flowers.  Recently I suggested to Sam that we make at least one weekend a month "Patty-Free."  He was amenable to that, but last Sunday was her birthday.






The week before, I had managed a half day off work on a Friday.  I knew her birthday was coming and invited her to lunch at a nice restaurant.  This is very hard, because I just do not enjoy her company at all.  I try.  I really do.  In fact, I am not exaggerating
when I tell you I would rather see my dentist than have a "girl" lunch with Patty.  Ask Sam.  After lunch we went to Chico's, her favorite shop, to look for something she wanted for her birthday.  Usually I have a good idea for a gift but not this year.  She seemed very pleased.  I was simply relieved when she didn't get rude with a waitress or a salesperson.






I think it may help you understand my dislike of her company, if I explain that besides being the biggest "Know It All" I have ever met, she does not say please or thank you.  She never says, "I'm sorry," because she believes she never makes a mistake.  And if you can imagine a woman in her 70's who still uses baby talk, you may relate to some of my frustration.





So the dinner we had last Sunday for her was on top of the lunch and shopping.  We chose a menu she would enjoy.  Patty adores lamb, and Sam did it to perfection on the grill.  She and I chatted as I got the rest of dinner ready.




So here is where things got dicey.  I am telling you all this because it bothers me so much.  Hope you will not think badly of me for not being more patient.  She does this thing to me at least every 3rd or
4th time she is over.  She spills or drops something on the floor and will not pick it up.  Not only won't she pick it up or tell me, but if someone says something, she will deny it was her.  I have watched her spill a glass of wine and just ignore the puddle on the floor.  I have seen her drop food on the floor and then kick it away from her with her foot.


Spills don't bother me.  They can always be mopped up quickly with a paper towel or sponge.  If she would only say something like, "Oh, how clumsy of me.  Ella, could you please bring me
something to clean this up."  Or if she jumped up to grab a rag or towel.  I mean most kids past 5 years old would at least try to help.  Goodness, do you know how many spills I mopped up when my kids were small or over my teaching years!



So Sam brought the lamb in from the grill and put it on the table and headed back outside to get something else off the grill.  I think Older Son must have been out there, too.  I had put the Worcestershire sauce on the table for the lamb and was busy putting food into serving bowls and bread in a basket.  I saw Patty
serve herself before anyone else was to the table and then saw her hitting the bottom of the Worcestershire sauce bottle over her lamb.  Didn't think anything of it at the time.  Within 5 minutes we were all ready to sit down, and she was already eating.  (Rude, you say?)  As I put the last bowl on the table, I saw this mess of brown liquid all over the floor and dripping down my wood cabinets.  Immediately I knew what had happened, and just couldn't believe she would do this again!  "Well, what happened here?" I said, but she would not even look up from her plate.  I was so angry.  It only took a minute to clean it up, but after that I had a pissy attitude the rest of the afternoon.






When incidents like this occur, it is all I can do not to blow up.  In fact, I can easily slam a few things around in the kitchen or develop a "Well, pin a rose on me!" attitude.  Like I should win a prize because I didn't tell her to, "Kiss my ass!"  Or I can just be angry and silent.  Sam will give me some leeway here.  Many times he will just give me hugs and kisses and say thank you.  He knows she is horrible and so do the boys.  But he will not allow me to give into temper or telling him what to do.  Lately it seems that Sam has adopted a "zero tolerance" policy.  And Sunday I apparently got bossy and short-tempered.




No sooner had the front door closed on the last family member, when he confronted me.  And boy, was he upset.  Red in the face and LOUD in the voice.  He rattled off at least 3 times when I had bossed him around.  "You, come with me," he said.  I made several attempts to put out the fire - mostly to insist that it wasn't my fault. He did not see my point at all.  He wasn't addressing Patty's bizarre behaviors.  He was addressing my bossiness and attitude.  Just because she was as crazy as a loon, did not give me license to be a bitch.





He made his points all over again after he grabbed the godawful rice paddle from hell.  That implement was supposed to be only for fun.  This spanking was SO not fun.  No warm up whatsoever.  Sam does not believe in those when he is spanking for an unwanted behavior.  Those are for when Ella has her halo on straight.





This hurt so badly that I even screamed once or twice.  Then I began to inch forward toward the other side of the bed.  He just yanked me back by the waistband of my jeans and continued paddling.  Through the sobbing, I do think I said something like, "This is so not fair" at least once.  But spankings like this one suck the anger out of me very quickly.  I apologized and tearfully admitted that I had just redirected my resentful feelings toward the Dreaded SIL at him instead.  There was no reason to be barking orders at Sam. 




When it was finally over, Sam held me close for a good long time.  The anger was gone and the connection was back.  I was worn out and decided that pajama bottoms sounded a lot more comfortable than jeans.  As I changed, I caught sight of my bottom in the
bedroom mirror.  Sam may have served lamb for dinner, but it felt  and looked like I had been served a Sunday roast.  Later I sat on his lap, and we talked a while.  I asked him if he would think of a secret password that I could whisper to him if I absolutely needed to get away from a "Patty" situation.  He nodded and said he would give it some thought.  


                              He patted my bottom and asked,
                                       "How's your bum?"
                              
                                  "Damn sore," I said softly.

                                       "Good," he smiled.


28 comments:

  1. So sorry. How about 'roasted' for your secret word.

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    1. Good idea, Sunny. I guess "Roasted" or "Toasted" would be a good choice.

      Ella

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  2. I agree with Leigh, roasted would seem appropriate. Sorry SiL is such a pain for you - double pain!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Thanks for the sympathy, DF. When my mother-in-law was still alive she was even worse. Sam's dad was a wonderful man, though. Sometimes when I just want to lash out at Patty, I think of him. Then I try to act in a way that would make him glad.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  3. Hi Ella, I'm so sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You deserve a medal for taking her to lunch and shopping! I love Sunny's idea for your secret word lol.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz,
      Thanks. Sam's always grateful when I do something like shopping with her. I get lots of happy attention. He does take her out, too, but it is usually to lunch.

      Hugs From Ella

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  4. Ella,
    I literally held my breath reading the title of your post knowing well where this was going. Sam means business when that SIL is near. That was one hard spanking, but the message was clear........ respect is something to be honored. I agree with Roz........ dinner after lunch and shopping without so much as a thank you seems a little too much. In fact, way too much. I would cut back in a heartbeat.
    Meredith

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    1. Oh, and my suggestion for a code word..........
      Lamb chops

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    2. I was wondering if anyone would catch on by just reading the title. :) I have cut back on seeing her as much as possible. And Sam knows how difficult she can be. He tries not to leave Patty and I alone, but he is the grill master around here. Our boys understand,too, but they think it is funny to see me so mad and try to make me laugh.

      They always say you can't pick family. She is indeed my nemesis. Whenever she is around, I think of the music that was played when the Wicked Witch of the West made an appearance in the Wizard of Oz.

      Ella

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  5. Your SIL doesn't sound very nice at all. She certainly would benefit from a spanking. Love SG's suggestion for your secret word.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. She is not nice, Ronnie. Patty is a very lonely and sad person. She has no friends, as you can imagine. If we were not obligated to put up with her, I would never see her again.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  6. Ella, far from thinking badly of you for losing patience, I think you are a saint for putting up with that ghastly woman. I also think, and you'll probably disagree with me here, that Sam should take more responsibility for dealing with her - she's his sister after all. Given that she's such a horrible person, she should think herself lucky you're only cutting back once a month.

    I loved your phrase, 'Well, pin a rose on me,' I haven't heard that one before.

    Sorry you got roasted, I agree that Sunny's suggestion is a good choice for your secret word.

    Sympathy from across the pond,
    Rosie xx

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    1. Sweet note, Rosie! I am no saint, though. Sam does all he can. He takes her out himself and helps her with many little projects. Trust me, he is very appreciative of anything I do.

      Ha! I didn't realize the idiom "..pin a rose.." was not used across the pond. You have some good ones, too, though!

      Hugs From Ella

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  7. Oh Ella, you have all my sympathy, how horrid to have to deal with her so often. Nice phrase that "pin a rose on me". I am with Rosie, Sam needs to deal with her a much as he deals with you here!!
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Thanks so much, Jan. When she starts picking on me, he stops it immediately. He sounds just like his dad, when he says, "That's enough." I do love when he does that because she usually leaves early! Oh, Happy Day!

      Hugs Across the Pond Just For You!

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  8. Well..she not only is a pain in the a**...her visit resulted in you getting a painful a**. Wrong person got the spanking. Love it that Sam seems as consistent as Master.
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby,
      You are right. She is a pain in the ass. Most times, Sam will just shower me with affection and tell me I am the better person because I do not sink to her level.

      And even though I do not call Sam "Master" his masterful side is always present.

      Hugs From Ella

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  9. You have to have an 'out' somewhere. If he doesn't want you tell her she's f**king bitch and he doesn't want you snapping at him and he insist she be around some - what does he want you to do. Maybe HE should take his sister to lunch and shopping occasionally. I mean if you come up with a code word can you just leave? It's a rotten situation.

    You might want to start blaming everything on Sue - it won't get you out of a spanking, but it just seems like the thing to do. Ha!

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    1. Love you sticking up for me, PK! You make me smile when you sound like Scrappy Doo.

      I am liking the "rotten situation." It reminds me of the quote from Hamlet. "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." Maybe there is an idea there for my secret password.

      Ha on you, too! Laughed about blaming Sue.

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  10. Awww Ella...I am so sorry you have to deal with the SIL from h*ll! I agree with Sunny's code word of 'roasted'. I also agree with PK...why do you have to put up with this woman so much? She's his sister...he can deal with her and leave you out of it! And BTW...who smacks the bottom of a Worcestershire sauce bottle? It's not catsup...it just pours out! Serving herself and eating before everyone is at the table? I would not have kept my mouth shut. There is no excuse for rudeness and bad manners especially not at her age.

    So what happens if you call her out? For example...this is Worcestershire sauce I'm wiping up and since you are the only one who has served themselves and it's still dripping, you managed to make this mess. Next time, if you can't clean up after yourself, at least let me know so that I can clean it up. Want me to have a talk with her? :D Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Cat, you are another Scrappy Doo here! How funny. Love that you would "have a talk" with her.

      We are having dinner with my brother and his wife today. Now she is a sweet SIL, and we have lots of fun together. Patty is not invited!

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  11. Eek. Obviously we only know part of the situation and backstory on this sister in law, but I'm quite concerned. Are you and Sam responsible for this relative? This seems like an incredible amount of time to give to a toxic relative. I'm so sorry your husband not only allows someone in your home who disrespects you, but requires you to submit to her. Is he frustrated with her but taking it out on you? Surely this relative can be a quarterly visitor? You're quite right, it's not fair. Surely he could point out the dripping mess on your cabinet to Patty? Or offer to clean it up? Her coming so frequently and treating you so poorly while he watches and waits for you to show discomfort makes me really sad!

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    1. Thanks for visiting, Jennelle. Yes, there are other posts starring Patty. In fact, Sam has another sister, but she lives out of state. When they are both together, I think of them as Patty and Selma.

      Although she is toxic, other family members just blow it off. They say, "Patty is crazy. Just let it go." Sam is quick to stop her if he is in the room and would never take it out on me. It is hard to admit sometimes, but I am the one with the volatile temper and too little patience.

      Ella

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  12. Oh Ella your SIL sounds like she needs the spanking, not you. She is so similar to mu DIL in that she pushes your buttons. Sorry you have to put up with her. Pity Sam won't say something to her instead of you getting in trouble.
    Hugs Lindy

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  13. Lindy, I have heard you talk of DIL before. Sam knows she is crazy and does speak up often. She is a widow and her only child has passed away, too. Even though she is much older than Sam, he feels a certain responsibility. Patty is not going away, and I need to deal with that.

    Hugs,
    Ella

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  14. Oh goodness. Your SIL sounds like a nightmare. I'd have a hard time holding my tongue too. Sounds like she's the one who needs a good hard spanking!

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  15. I am sorry for the negativity that your SIL seems to bring with her. Hope your roasted bum is feeling better. Hugs

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  16. A roast rump! Ha!

    Sam has your measure! But it sounds like a heck of a spanking. I would not have liked it.

    Seems to me that rice paddle looks somewhat familiar? We only used it once. I couldn't cope with it!

    Hugs
    Ami

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