Thursday, January 26, 2017

The Sugar Madness






It was 3 years ago this month that I finally lost the extra weight I had been carrying around.  With Sam as my self-chosen Diet Coach Extraordinaire, I reached my Weight Watchers goal in January of 2014.  I have managed to weigh-in at least once a month since then and have never had to pay.  Lately, though, the scale has not been my friend.



Let me give a quick refresher as to how my sweet Sam came to tackle this hellish responsibility.  We had launched a ttwd relationship some months before.  I was seriously working to control my temper and bossiness.  Sam and I were both new to this, but there were immediate improvements in both areas and a
closeness that we hadn't ever experienced in all our years of marriage.  Another problem that was out of control, though, was my poor eating habits.  For a very long time I had professed a desire to lose weight, and I went to the meetings for years.  But week after week and month after month, I alternated between staying in the same place on the scale and gaining a few pounds.  I paid and paid and paid with very little to show for it.





Finally, one winter night after attending a WW meeting, I burst into tears when I got home.  I was so disappointed in myself and felt like a stupid failure.  Why couldn't I do this?  Sam was sweet and very concerned.  He hugged me and asked if there was something he could do - "Anything," he said.  Well, then and there it hit me.  If ttwd was helping us both in so many other ways, why couldn't it help me with the weight issue?




A few days later, I brought it up to him, and he flatly refused.  He told me I was always perfect in his eyes, always beautiful, but I never felt that way.  It took a while, but he finally conceded to the idea of helping me to eat sensible, healthy foods.  It really wasn't until I added up how much money I had wasted on dues, cookbooks, and clothes I couldn't wear that his eyes were opened.  It was quite a sum!  He heartily agreed this was a stupid way to spend money but had stipulations.



  • If I wanted to quit WW at any time, that was fine with him.
  • If I chose to attend, however, I better be doing the program.
  • If I had to pay at WW, there would be a spanking when I got home.  No discussion.
  • Once I got to goal, the same rules applied.
  • There would be special allowances made when we planned for them together.
  
After a great weigh-in, we would sit together and look at my record book.  Lots of praise and I felt so proud of myself! As a Lifetime member, I only have to weigh-in once a month.  Believe me, I usually make sure I do not even get close to the weight where I would have to pay.  Well, usually.




Holidays and vacations are the hardest, of course.  One can develop an attitude like "I'll worry about it tomorrow" or "when we get home" or "it only comes once a year."  Sam usually helps me a lot through the Christmas season.  I check in often, and we talk about
where I will splurge and when I will stop.  That didn't happen this year.  Outside influences and family responsibilities seemed to play havoc with any quality alone time.  We rarely talked about anything except to commiserate about how much we had to do. And I just ate Christmas junk instead of cooking healthy meals.  In theory, all the baked goods were for my family.






Anyway, by the time the damage was done, I had developed a full blown sugar addiction again and gained 5 pounds just like in days of old.  I don't know if any of you have ever felt this way, but it is sometimes so much better if I never even start with sugar.  Maybe there are people who can just have one cookie, but I am hardly ever able to do that. It feels like I just totally lose control.  Just one more and just one more and just one more and then "Holy Shit!  What the hell did I do?"




In my current work I have cause to read a lot of material pertaining to research studies, especially those studies that employ MRIs in an effort to prove a medical hypothesis.  I remembered one conducted at Princeton University about the effects of sugar and the possibility that is was truly as addictive as certain abused drugs - cocaine in particular.




"Sugar is noteworthy as a substance that releases opioids and dopamine and thus might be expected to have addictive potential....Four components of addiction are analyzed.  'Bingeing', 'withdrawal', 'craving' and cross sensitization.....These behaviors are then related to neurochemical changes in the brain that also occur with addictive drugs."





"We used the 'deprivation effect' paradigm to investigate consumption of sugar after abstinence in rats that had been bingeing on sugar.  Following 12 hours of daily access to sugar, rats press for 123% more sugar in a test after 2 weeks of abstinence than they ever did before.  A group with 30 minutes of daily access to sugar did not show the effect."





OK, basically that boils down to the more sugar you eat, the more sugar you crave.  Now, granted, this particular study used lab rats simply because you can control the external stimuli much better in a laboratory setting, but it has also been studied in humans extensively.




"When we eat foods that contain a lot of sugar, a massive amount of dopamine is released in .... the brain.  When we eat these foods often and in large amounts, the dopamine  receptors start to down-regulate.  This means that the next time we eat these foods, their effect is blunted.  We will need more junk food next time we eat in order to get the same level of reward.  Sugar and other junk foods, due to their powerful effect on the reward centers of the brain, function similarly to drugs of abuse like cocaine....."






So let's get back to Ella and Sam.  Without both the positive and negative reinforcement my coach usually gives me, it was too easy for me to fall from grace.  When Sam and I finally talked, this little lab rat caught some major negative consequences for hitting that sugar lever at about 123% of what she should have.  These spankings are never pleasant.  No, not one bit, at least until we get to the part with the hugs and encouragement.  I much prefer the times when I sit on Sam's lap and we look at my WW record book.  When I feel proud and I know Sam is, too, I positively beam.  Physically, I feel better with energy and stamina for what I want to do in my life.  

                                     You do not live to eat.

                                         You eat to live. 

           I should have this on the DropDown Menu of my life. 




There will be readers that will shake their heads about why a grown woman cannot handle her own self control, and I don't really know why either.  This just works for me.  Healthy eating and being happy with myself are just the rewards at the end of the maze.  It doesn't mean I will never fall again.  I know I will.  It just means Sam is always there to pick me up.  

                            "Thanks, Coach.  I love you so much."


 










 

31 comments:

  1. Good for you Ella. You and PK are lucky to have such vigilant hubbies to help you stay on track.

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    1. "Vigilant" is the key word here, Sunny. Sugar is sneaky and finds a way back into my hands with ease.

      Ella

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  2. You know I struggle with this all the time. I'm so happy that Nick has recently agreed to help again. On problem is that he's a softy and very understanding - like this week I'm eating out 3 times, all people he wants me to see and go out with but I do tend to eat more. I hope he'll ignore that if I don't manage to lose what we've agreed on. Its my job to both figure out how to do it and DO it.

    I'm really glad you are getting your help back.

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    1. I know you struggle, my friend. Am overjoyed that Nick is trying to help. Hope he discovers that "tough love" is what is needed here.

      As far as eating out is concerned, when I am being good, I will pull up the menu online so I know what I am going to order before I get there.

      Hugs From Ella

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  3. Ella,
    I love this post. The slip and slide of sugar is with me always. It is that sugar in my coffee in the morning that I cannot give up. It sweetens the day and then, probably sets me up to fail, like your rat in the lab. I would love suggestions. Jack helps me, but he is sweet on me too. Pardon the pun here .Always searching for the answers.
    Meredith

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    1. If you are able to stop with just the sugar in your coffee, then you may not feel that craving take hold. I do use Truvia sparingly, but I know there are also studies that warn about dangers there.

      It was hard for Sam to be tough in the beginning, but he is pretty darn good at it now! I think he has seen how much better I feel about myself when I am not overeating.

      Ella

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  5. Ella,
    Totally understand where you are coming from and love the studies you shared to back up your addiction theory. Knowing someone is there to encourage you and help you through makes the challenge of eating healthy very rewarding. Knowing Sam is proud helps reinforce your self control. Grown woman or not, we all need to know that we are important and when we lack self control our husbands will call us on it. Very good post. Thank you for sharing your struggle as well as your success.
    --Baker

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    1. Success is always a frail concept when it comes to healthy eating. I love Sam for so many reasons, and being my coach is very special.

      Ella

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  6. yes yes and yes "I don't know if any of you have ever felt this way, but it is sometimes so much better if I never even start with sugar. Maybe there are people who can just have one cookie, but I am hardly ever able to do that. It feels like I just totally lose control." This is totally me and I am almost in tears because I feel so out of control at the moment and quite down on myself...have gotten rid of almost everything in my house that is "tempting" and need to go back to the "nothing" approach meaning NO sugar whatsoever at least for a while so I can get rid of the sugar addiction but it is and always will be a struggle for me. I will keep trying...until I find success. Glad you have the support you need and wish you all the success! :-) Hugs to you.

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    1. Hello Sweet Girl,
      I so understand how you feel. I hate myself when I fall in that vortex. Tears come easily. Perhaps I am not alone in this feeling of helplessness when I let sugar draw me in again.

      It takes me several weeks to really get it out of my system. It is a great comfort when Sam lifts the burden off my shoulders.

      Write me anytime, Terps. Perhaps we can offer each other some support.

      Love,
      Ella

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  7. Oh blimey Ella, did you read my mind, I could have written this post. If I wasn't too busy eating biscuits that is.....
    I too find if I ever get off it I can stay off it, it's stopping in the first place I am struggling to do :(
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Jan,
      It doesn't matter whether we call them cookies or biscuits, if I let myself start with them, it never turns out well. I know a nurse who actually calls it "crack." For me, the similarities scare the hell out of me.

      It really helps for me to hear that I am not alone. It is easy for me to feel alone and ashamed when I let this rule me.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  8. This is a great post and so easy to relate to. Sugar is an ongoing battle or balancing act for me. Sometimes I do well and other times it's a total loss. I like that Sam is so supportive. It's good that you have a way to help you manage this. Isn't ttwd truly a versatile way to live!

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    1. Laurel, I had to smile as I read your comment. It is always a surprise to me how ttwd can enrich me is so many ways.

      Perhaps if we had to have a doctor's prescription for sugar, we would treat it with more caution.

      Ella

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  9. I have always felt that carbs were a trigger for me! I can not just eat one of any carb! Once I start its downhill for me!
    I am pretty good when I'm on, but wish my Scotsman was the type to help me diet.... he's pretty bad himself though!
    Glad your Sam is willing!

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    1. Hello Minelle,
      Sam is no angel himself, in case you thought he was perfect in his food choices. Absolutely not! The thing is he doesn't care a hoot. However, I am always very hard on myself about weight.

      I remember being teased as a child, and those cruel words seem to stay with us our whole lives long.

      Sending Hugs to You,
      Ella

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  10. I so get this..the first thing I asked Master to help me with was losing weight...little did I know then how good He would be at it. He was never interested in how much I weighed, He just always wanted to me to be healthy and happy with me. And it worked, sometimes my bottom paid the price of my calorie intake, but I have loss 60 pounds...and not gained them back.
    Hurrah for both of us...
    hugs abby

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    1. I am always excited when I read about your progress, Abby. That is an amazing story, and you should be very proud of yourself. I had to lose 50 pounds once, and I never want to go back.

      Like your master, Sam could care less what I weigh, but he knows about what makes me happy with myself. These are never a friendly spanking, and one thinks seriously about shoving junk food in one's mouth!

      Hugs From Ella

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  11. Sorry it's been rough for you, Ella but very happy you have Sam to help you. Eating healthy and/or losing weight is different for everyone...what works for one doesn't work for another so if anyone shakes their head at you...tell 'em to go suck an egg! Very proud of you for getting on track.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. You are so sweet, Cat, and always funny, too. Eggs are good for healthy eating, as well! It is hard to admit to others your insecurities and weaknesses. This group always makes me feel accepted.

      Always feel blessed to know you.
      Ella

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  12. Hi Ella, I can so relate, I have an extremely sweet tooth and holidays are the worst time when trying to avoid sugar. Good on you for getting back on track. It's wonderful that Sam is there to help you. Interesting reading about the research and comparison to drugs.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. As far as sugar is concerned, I could be in one of those 12 Stepper groups. It surely helps to have Sam on my team.

      Hugs,
      Ella

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  13. Glad you're back on track with the help of your ever loving Sam, Ella. I reached my WW goal in the summer of 2008 and have stuck to it pretty well - until now! I am seven pounds heavier than I was when we met in London in September and can't seem to get the motivation to shift it. Harry's no help - he recently bought me NINE bars of my favourite chocolate!

    There's a big drive on over here to cut down on sugar, including a tax on fizzy drinks coming up soon. Sugar is public enemy number one in the obesity stakes.

    Waving from across the Pond,
    Rosie xx

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    1. Oh, Rosie. A fellow WW girl! I have been a member since 2001, just not always on program. I went to a meeting yesterday and sort of "Renewed my Vows."

      Sam controls all candy and sweets in the house now, and it really helps me. Once in a while he will pull out just a little treat when I am doing very well, but never gives me the whole bag of cookies or a whole bar of chocolate.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  14. I am reallly proud of you, Ella. You put me to shame. Wish Dan would be serious about weight and consequences, but he just doesn't have the staying power. And all I do is stress-eat.

    Sadly it's not the sweet stuff I am addicted to, but the savoury. Loving to cook doesn't help. Even brown rice, whole wheat pasta and cutting down on potatoes (in other words the good carbs) does little for me. The only way is to wIt till summer, and go on the jockeys diet yet again. I starve to death, but it is the only thing that actually seems to work.

    I did, however, stop buying Weightwatchers foods. They lower the fat but double the sugar. Same with stuff like Hellmans mayonnaise, the low fat version has double the sugar!

    I think I need you here to offer me encouragement. This winter has been the worse ever for my already non existent waistline. Sigh.

    Just so glad you are well again, Ella. That is the very main thing.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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  15. Goodness, Ami, we have not heard comments from you in ages! How special to find that you came to visit. I am smiling with my eyes as well as my mouth.

    I think it is the shame that makes me the most unhappy. It is an awful thing to hate yourself over weight. I can fall off the wagon on other foods, too, but it doesn't seem as addictive to me as sugar. Bread can be a danger zone, but nothing is as bad as sweets.

    What is a "jockeys" diet, dear girl. Have not heard that one before. You are dead right about buying so-called diet foods. I just don't do it anymore. Easiest for me is just fresh non-processed foods.

    Perhaps we should have some central posting blog to help and encourage each other. If I could be there to help, you know I would, my friend. It is somehow easier if there is someone there to understand and give good advice.

    I am well enough for anything again. Thanks to you and everyone for all the love I felt during that awful time.

    Hugs Across the Pond,
    Ella

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  16. Ella,

    I'm pretty good, no sugar in my tea and no biscuits or cakes now though I still have to have some dark chocolate and I refuse to give that up. It's carbs that I need to cut down on.

    Happy you are back on track an have Sam to help you.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Thanks, Ronnie. I just updated to the new Weight Watchers system. It always relies on science to help you how to lose. But it also helps you to maintain. Sometimes it is not too horrible to lose the weight, but harder than hell to keep it off.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

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  17. Ella its good Sam will help you stay on track to lose your weight and keep it off. I've asked Bear to help me but he enjoys cooking and one thing he makes is scones every Sunday. I've lost a heap of weight since we moved down here. So scared it will creep back up again. Might have to ask Bear to help me more, although he's like Sam saying he loves the way I am.
    Good luck!
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Oh, Lindy! I would have a hard time turning down homemade scones. My father was Scotch Irish and I can remember scones smothered in butter.

      You are right. Once you have been at a higher weight, it is very hard not to creep up again. I always keep a food journal and write little notes to myself, such as "Be Vigilant."

      Sending Hugs Downunder,
      Ella

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