There's an issue that pops up at our house every so often that always causes me to dive into a tail spin and think that maybe ttwd is just not really working for us. When it happens, I monumentally overreact. There is distancing from Sam, sometimes tears, and lots of silence. Normally, with any of these behaviors from me, Sam would be patient and comforting for a time, and if that didn't help, there would be a spanking that would set things to right. That's normally.
But it just doesn't work according to plan when I perceive that Sam is, indeed, WRONG about something. Now this truly doesn't make sense. I can admit that I make a mistake, but I don't want to think he can make a mistake. The ideal HOH, the perfect dominant husband, is always all-knowing, patient, and sure of himself. He is wise and loving and firm. He knows just what road we should take on this journey. I try to tell myself, "Ella, the real world is not your fairy tale."
Sort of makes me think of Dorothy and her friends all off to see the great and almighty Oz. They travel down the Yellow Brick Road to consult the powerful Wizard about a brain, a heart, some courage,
and a way back home. They are sent on a quest to prove they are worthy of these gifts. When they return to the Wizard with the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West, they discover that the Wizard doesn't really have any magic power at all. When Dorothy calls him a "very bad man," he assures her,
"Oh, no, my dear. I'm a very good man.
I'm just a very bad Wizard."
And the Wizard is wise after all; he shows Dorothy and her companions that they already possess the gifts they thought had to come from something magic.
TTWD feels like magic sometimes. The way it has changed our marriage and how it makes me so happy, but Sam is not a wizard. He is a very good man, but he is not a very good wizard. He makes mistakes. After all, I am the one who came to him and finally spoke about my heart's desire. He listened and learned even though it was not a natural instinct for him.
"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,
I won't look any further than my own back yard.
Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."
When Sam forgets to act as the HOH around here, I miss it terribly. I worry that he doesn't want that responsibility any more. Do you remember when everyone in the Emerald City has to wear green-tinted glasses? Well, that's me. I see everything in our relationship through ttwd glasses, and Sam does not. I feel lost and I want to find my way back home.
And then he is back and tells me how silly I have been to worry that he does not want to be my HOH. Tells me how that will never happen. How much he loves me and how I am the most important thing in his world. How happy I make him. How he would do anything for me. How he loves to spank my bottom. Then I know for sure that he has a brain and a heart and the courage to be my man and that those qualities were always there. I just lost my way for a bit. Must be the poppies! And when he pulls me close in his arms and holds me tight, I close my eyes and tap my heels together three times and remember there's no place like home.
Most of us have something outside of work or our home/family responsibilities that we could call a "hobby". An interest or even a passion that we enjoy in our free time. Retirement seems to be the perfect reason to spend even more energy on those activities that give us pleasure.
A hobby can be solitary like reading or swimming. Sam likes to be in his workshop building furniture or restoring guns. (BTW, that workshop is where the infamous Mr. Paddle was born.) I believe hobbies like these are restorative to the spirit. Many times hobbies can be a social occasion as well. I have lovely memories of all the wonderful people I came to know when I was active in drama. I think it's great fun to go "junking" at dusty thrift shops and antique stores with a good friend. Sports are wonderful whether you are a player or a spectator. We love to spend time outdoors at a private shooting range. You don't have to play football to love it. It's fun for many folks to get together with friends, food, and drink to enjoy a game together.
We can relax and unwind. We can nurture our creativity and improve our mood. As we age, a hobby can challenge us mentally and physically. We can meet new people and form important and rewarding relationships. Hobbies can even be an integral component in fighting depression. Life can be full of situations we can't control. I see hobbies as something where I am in charge. Sam may be the boss around this house, but when I'm baking bread, I am directing the activity.
The other week, I had reason to be filling out one of those forms/surveys that ask for your interests. You know the ones. Sort of like a really boring meme.
"Tell us about your hobbies. Please check all that apply."
Well, I thought of what boxes I used to check or respond to when asked that question.
The Vanilla Me of Yore.
Gardening Reading
Sewing Travel
Decorating Cooking
Drama Baking
Writing Shooting
Exercise Collecting
Embroidery Antiques
Fishing
Shopping (Yes, that is a hobby, I say.)
Then I thought of what I might write today IF I could be my perfectly frank ttwd self to the whole world. Of course, this doesn't mean I don't still enjoy my old pursuits, but I've broadened my hobby horizon immensely.
- Kisses pushed up against the wall
- This Thing We Do
- Spanking, Paddling, Caning
- Making love as often as possible
- Finding joy in pleasing my husband
- Lap sitting
- Renewed interest in corsets and stockings
- Flogging for pleasure
- Butt plugs and anal play
- Spooning with Sam's hand on my bottom
- Skyrocket orgasms
- Creative uses for kitchen implements
- Riding in the truck with my hand on Sam's thigh
- New favorite genre of reading for pleasure
- Appreciation of leather in a whole new way
- Conversions of former sweater drawers into toy boxes
- Writing for a new purpose and personal satisfaction
- Friends who understand me for who I really am
- Realization of my own potential for happiness
Life has changed for me in ways I would never have dreamed possible. Sam and I spend more time on all the pleasures that ttwd has brought to us. Our old hobbies are still with us and we love them as much as ever. But time seems to pass differently now. The reality of who we have become and that we have carved a secret relationship for ourselves makes us look forward to every moment together. Best of all, our new "hobbies" fill our lives with meaning and joy.
I remembered a quote from the ancient poet, Ovid, that always made me think of the importance of celebrating what makes one an individual.
"In our leisure we reveal
what kind of people we are."
TTWD makes me one of the happy people.
These days I would rather ignore birthdays. The years fly by way too fast, and the number connected to each year I have been alive is getting harder to face. But I don't mind telling you at all that Ella Ever After is turning 2 years old! TTWD is older than that because Sam and I introduced it into our relationship quite a while before I came upon Meredith and this circle of bloggers. Before there was my blog.
Just like a young child is still egocentric and the center of his own little universe, Sam and I had no understanding of our place in this new life. It was just the two of us, stranded on a deserted island. I knew there were women out there like me, but I had no personal connection to any of them. My internet browsing took me mostly to fictional stories and a few articles. It fed my need, but it was also very lonely.
The women (and a few guys) I have come to know through blogging are some of the smartest, most sensitive friends I have ever had. I have met some of them in person, but I am referring here to ALL the readers I have come to know. True individuals with unique personalities that shine through in their posts and their comments. All friends. All searching for their own fulfillment through ttwd and recognizing the honest truth that they need spanking in their lives . A very special circle of women.
The blog, the writing, has helped me grow - in fact, I think it has made both Sam and I grow. Instead of feeling isolated, I began to develop a sense of autonomy and self-determination. I could identify with other bloggers, but became more comfortable with the way Sam and I approached ttwd. Our differences. I could feel genuine in my own skin. Sam and I did not need to fit into someone else's mold. Our roles began to feel more natural, like we had finally discovered what made me feel female and what made him feel male. That is very important to us.
It is the writing and the communication with other women like me that has made me feel empowered. Of course, we would continue with ttwd despite my writing or not. But sometimes when I am struggling to compose a post for my blog, I realize that it is this exercise that makes me introspective. Makes me keep striving to be the best I can be. Like a child slowly matures from being solely a concrete thinker into exploring abstract concepts, I have come to know myself better.
So to me, the work I have put into 120 some posts over the last 2 years has been so much more than just finding a friend or understanding others' experiences on their ttwd journeys. The writing has given me an insight into my own heart and mind that would never have happened if I had not begun to articulate how this new life works for us and the gift of a renewal with the man I love so dearly.
I am very glad I chose the blogname of
Ella Ever After.
It still fits just as well as when I wrote my first post.
Dreams do come true, you know.
You just have to take that first step.
