These days I would rather ignore birthdays. The years fly by way too fast, and the number connected to each year I have been alive is getting harder to face. But I don't mind telling you at all that Ella Ever After is turning 2 years old! TTWD is older than that because Sam and I introduced it into our relationship quite a while before I came upon Meredith and this circle of bloggers. Before there was my blog.
Just like a young child is still egocentric and the center of his own little universe, Sam and I had no understanding of our place in this new life. It was just the two of us, stranded on a deserted island. I knew there were women out there like me, but I had no personal connection to any of them. My internet browsing took me mostly to fictional stories and a few articles. It fed my need, but it was also very lonely.
The women (and a few guys) I have come to know through blogging are some of the smartest, most sensitive friends I have ever had. I have met some of them in person, but I am referring here to ALL the readers I have come to know. True individuals with unique personalities that shine through in their posts and their comments. All friends. All searching for their own fulfillment through ttwd and recognizing the honest truth that they need spanking in their lives . A very special circle of women.
The blog, the writing, has helped me grow - in fact, I think it has made both Sam and I grow. Instead of feeling isolated, I began to develop a sense of autonomy and self-determination. I could identify with other bloggers, but became more comfortable with the way Sam and I approached ttwd. Our differences. I could feel genuine in my own skin. Sam and I did not need to fit into someone else's mold. Our roles began to feel more natural, like we had finally discovered what made me feel female and what made him feel male. That is very important to us.
It is the writing and the communication with other women like me that has made me feel empowered. Of course, we would continue with ttwd despite my writing or not. But sometimes when I am struggling to compose a post for my blog, I realize that it is this exercise that makes me introspective. Makes me keep striving to be the best I can be. Like a child slowly matures from being solely a concrete thinker into exploring abstract concepts, I have come to know myself better.
So to me, the work I have put into 120 some posts over the last 2 years has been so much more than just finding a friend or understanding others' experiences on their ttwd journeys. The writing has given me an insight into my own heart and mind that would never have happened if I had not begun to articulate how this new life works for us and the gift of a renewal with the man I love so dearly.
I am very glad I chose the blogname of
Ella Ever After.
It still fits just as well as when I wrote my first post.
Dreams do come true, you know.
You just have to take that first step.