Several weeks ago I got really upset about how I was forgetting things more than usual. I know everyone forgets occasionally, and I know we all joke about "Where the hell did I leave my short term memory!" We all walk into a room and forget why we came in there in the first place. Damn! That is so frustrating! But for me, the strokes I experienced have always made me more sensitive and afraid that I am losing more of my memory than I already have.
I make myself keep careful notes and lists so that I have a reminder handy. You know me; I love lists anyway. I tell Sam where I put things so that someone else will know. That helps a bit. He and the boys make light of it. "No big deal," they say. Oldest son will even tease me about my memory. "I think it's funny, Mom. I can tell you the same joke I told you last week because you will never remember the punch line." He figures if he can make me smile, it will make me realize that it just doesn't make that much difference.
But I get very down on myself. How can I remember anything when I can't even remember where I put the lists?! When I do stupid things like that, I can even feel like crying - just like after the strokes.
When Sam came home for lunch that day, I was mad at myself and stomping around looking for some important notes I had lost. I whined to Sam, and he said not to worry. They would turn up eventually. That little platitude just pissed me off, but I dutifully gave him a kiss before he returned to work, and he gave me a big, bear hug and a smile.
I did not spend the entire afternoon searching, but between errands and miscellaneous tasks, I would wrack my brain and look again in all the places I had already looked. They had to be somewhere! Talk about a dog with a bone. I just could not let it go.
Sam walked in before 5:00 pm, and I always meet him at the door if I am at home. It was a long and lovely kiss, but very soon I was whining again. My frustration was such that there were even tears welling up. Sam smiled and reassured me with big hugs, but I kept whining even to the point of talking over him. That was when I crossed the line.
My pants were down in a flash, and I was bent over the kitchen counter. He did not reach for a wooden spoon, but OMG his hand is enough when he wants it to be! The spanking would not have
It's a masterpiece!"
I think he wanted to be complimented on his study in red.
I would tell you where I finally found
my stack of notes and papers,
but I can't remember.
Ella,
ReplyDeleteAnd just when I thought no one, but me was posting, yours went live a few minutes before mine. See, I remembered! I love the "masterpiece" ending!
I "lost" something here at home and for the life of me could not find it. I was on a mission. I keep a very, very clutter-free home and no lost item surfaced. Jack said to relax and it would turn up. Finally that is exactly what happened. I found the "lost" item and laughed. I do not loose much, but what I want to know is where in the heck the day goes. You seem to turn around and the day is waning. Help me figure that out!!
Great post from a dear friend,
Meredith
Mere,
DeleteIt has been rather quiet out here in Blogland. I will give Sam your compliment about the "masterpiece." Picasso had his Blue Period, but Sam is presently working in pinks and reds.
The days do fly by. I thought that would change after I retired, but it seems I am busier than before!
Thanks, Meredith,
Ella
Oh, how frustrating that is. I have never been blessed with a good memory, so those little moments happen to me frequently. I also find lists help...and the whining... :-) Being kind to yourself seems to be a good rule and one I hope you follow. Try not to be so hard on yourself...you remember the important things ...like being a loving mother, wife, and friend... :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteYou have written posts about being kind to yourself, so I think you understand Sam's point. You are so sweet, Terps, to remind me of the important things.
DeleteYour friend, for sure.
Ella
Miss Ella, no worries, everyone else forgets too. I do understand the concern though, as you've had the strokes and that extra worry is something that makes perfect sense to me. I'm glad that Sam was able to help relieve your stress. Many hugs!
ReplyDelete--Baker
Baker, I know we all forget, but thanks for understanding that extra worry. Nothing relieves the stress like a spanking. The ones that happen over the kitchen counter are always spur of the moment!
DeleteHugs From Ella
Oh Ella, try not to worry about it too much. It is one of those times that the more you worry the worse it gets. Masterpiece is exactly the sort of thing my beloved says! These men are so cheeky, what can we do with them...
ReplyDeletelove Jan, xx
I think you are right, Jan. The more upset I get, the less likely it is that I will find it. Aww...I am glad your man has his clever ways, too. I think we should keep them, don't you?
DeleteHugs Across the Pond,
Ella
Oh Ella, I think we all forget where we have put things. Your Sam has a good new rule which I hope you will follow. Love the Masterpiece comment, my Bear loves his handy work too.
ReplyDeleteHugs Lindy xx
Have been missing you, Lindy Lou. I have been trying to be kind to myself every day. Love that your Bear is taking good care of you. I am sending him a hug today, too.
DeleteSending Hugs to You and Bear
Ella
I am so sorry that you are feeling forgetful. It really stinks and I know how it feels. It's nice that Sam cares enough to create the masterpiece and to make a new rule that should only work to better yourself. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that the month of December is the best time to take a breath and think about the important things. Love when you come to visit.
DeleteHugs From Ella
Oh Ella,
ReplyDeleteThere are so many of us that forget and misplace and can't find things, that one of the top gifts on Christmas lists this year are the little blue tooth squares that you can attach to things so you can find them. Keys, glasses, ear buds, etc. Your phone will track anything you've attached the square to. Now, if I could only find my phone! LOL
Amy
That does sound like a handy thing to have, Amy! My sons have enough trouble teaching me how to use my new cell, though. They would probably veto such a purchase and install whiteboards in every room.
DeleteElla Smiling
Hey Ella...I understand how scary your forgetfulness can be due to your previous stroke. My mom had a TIA and struggled with her memory and now gets scared when she can't remember things. But sweet Ella...we all forget things...I went back to my bedroom 3 different times and got 3 different things before I finally remembered the original thing I went for on the 4th trip. Hang in there...the more you stress, the worse your memory.
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings...Cat
Ha! I love your story, Cat. It is better when I can laugh about it. Hope you are all healed and strong again. You went through a tough time this year. We both have much to be thankful for. Your mom, too.
DeleteMuch love,
Ella
I worry all the time that i'm gonna get early onset dementia, since my dad has it. but i know it's just a part of regular life and having too many things on my mind sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBut it's a good rule that one - we really must learn to cut ourselves some slack! Hugs!
Exactly, Fondles. Why is it easier to be kind to family and friends than to ourselves? I pride myself on being thoughtful to the people I love. But I need to mail myself a card that says I love you, too.
DeleteYou Really Got Me Thinking!
Ella
I understand the memory loss. Yes, of course I experience it too. It probably hasn't changed much over the past few years, but once I hit 60 it started worrying me. I'm so happy Sam is making important rules and I'm glad he'll stick with them.
ReplyDeleteHe is usually very sweet to me about the memory loss. He always reminds me of how lucky we both were that the strokes did not leave me in worse shape. The spanking here just made me remember that.
DeleteHugs From Ella
If you think you're alone, you're dead wrong. I can't tell you how often I go into a room and don't remember why, or why I can't find a list or something that I've put away for sakekeeping and then can't remember where, or the worst is when my brain won't find the word I need for a story. It's part of life and Sam is right don't get down on yourself We're all there - in different stages.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sunny. I just finished cleaning and reorganizing several rooms in the back of the house. When I was packing for a long weekend trip, I couldn't for the life of me remember where I put an item I needed. Sam told me that was a good reason not to clean.
DeleteHugs From Ella
Hi Ella, :) Big hugs to you! I understand your concerns, especially given your background. Here's the thing that I am thinking- it's when you are not aware of your memory loss... when you don't notice it, that perhaps one should worry. You do notice it, and as you can see above (I do it too), you are in good company! I hope that this helps, my Friend! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that your Sam created his masterpiece! His message is a good one. You've heard of ABK, that I know. How about we say ABKTY as well. T= to. Y= yourself. ABKTY! Something else to think about from a friend who loves you.
Next time you can't find something, don't give Sam a reason to create new art, unless you want him too. Phone a friend. She (or he) is likely looking for something too. Many hugs and love,
<3 Katie xoxo
Oh, Katie. I love your idea! ABKTY should be up on the wall at my house. No one else seems to worry about it but me. I think you are right about being cognizant about the memory loss, too. I will carry your advice in my heart, my friend.
DeleteLove and Hugs,
Ella
Ella,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand and you're not the only one (I know that doesn't help) I can go upstairs and wonder what I went up for, come down remember and go up again and sometimes I still don't remember. It's just part of growing old which I know sucks. Don't stress and worry over it because that will make it worse. Listen and be kind to yourself.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Ha! Growing old surely does suck, Ronnie. And worrying about it only upsets me. I need to remember that this happens to everyone, old and young. Besides, Sam likes me to listen to his advice and has various ways to persuade me.
DeleteHugs Across the Pond,
Ella
Ella, I can relate to your frustration. I’ve never entirely recovered from the effects of post-concussion syndrome following a fall a couple of years ago. I have memory lapses and difficulty finding the right words. I must say, I’ve found the responses to your post most heartening! Maybe some of the things I think are down to cognitive impairment are actually just age related - I’ll happily take that and hope you will too.
ReplyDeleteSam’s stricture to be kind to yourself is good advice for us all.
I’m glad you found your papers eventually. I wish I could find my little wristwatch; I know I put it somewhere safe.
Rosie xxx
Oh, Rosie. I just loved your sweet comment. I did not know of your fall and concussion. Perhaps I blame the strokes when that is not the reason. However, I have learned to accept the loss of some of the long ago memories. Sam or the boys will repeat something if I do not remember. It is the little daily things that seem the most frustrating. Hope you find your watch, my friend.
DeleteHugs Across the Pond,
Ella
I can relate to the short-term memory... Be it from sleep deprivation, small kids, stress, etc I feel like I've lost my mind. It's amazing how much better my brain works with regular stress relief, reminders, etc!!
ReplyDeleteYes, it seems that a good night's sleep can do wonders. Sometimes I will know where I have put something the moment I wake. A good spanking will usually get my head on straight and remedy the stress as well. Thanks for your kind words.
DeleteHugs From Ells