The Naked Ride - The Definitive Expose'

Lady Godiva - The Original Naked Ride

It seems to me that there is a lot of confusion out there in The Land about what exactly is being referred to with the titillating phrase, "Naked Ride."  It is time this problem was addressed.  Actually, it fell to me to write up the rules for all the Beach Sisters who were involved in this activity.  After 3 years of confusion, here we go.  


What do spanked wives do when they get to vacation together?  Well, first and foremost, spanked wives like to talk about spanking.  Sex might be a close runner up.  Anyway there is also swimming, beaching, reading, lots of good restaurants, moderate drinking, more talking, laughing, sharing, shopping, walking, implements,  husband appreciation discussions, laying by the pool, more moderate drinking, and finally - playing cards.

The first year we all traveled to see and meet each other (some for the first time,) PK asked us to all bring quarters.  "Poker!" I thought.  Hot damn!  Once I learned the game, though, I wasn't sure it could be counted as a poker variation other than we were playing for money.  Let me mention that while we all had lots of fun, PK is a better writer of spanking novels than she is a card game instructor.  Maybe one of the reasons the other women (including me) had so much trouble grasping the rules of the game is that, as we played, PK kept saying things like, 

                          "Oh, I forgot to tell you about this rule."
  
             I believe that this prompted Meredith or Sunny to finally ask, 

                          "Are you making up the rules as we go?!?"

"The Naked Ride" is actually a strip card game based loosely on the rules for "Thirty-One."  The rules for 31 are really simple if you are given them all prior to starting play.  You use a standard deck of 52 cards, and there is definitely some strategy required.  We were playing with 4 to 6 people, but you could probably play with more.  Of course, you can just play with your lover, too.  The object is to obtain a hand that totals 31 in cards of one suit.

Card Values -

• Ace - 11 points
• King, Queen, and Jack - 10 points
• 10 through 2 - face value

Please remember that the only way cards in a single hand have any value is if they are in the same suit.  For instance, a player with a Jack of hearts, a seven of hearts, and five of clubs would have a hand worth 17.  A player with an Ace of spades, a 9 of spades, and a Queen of diamonds would have a hand worth 20.

Each player starts with 3 quarters, well, that is, if you are playing with a bunch of girlfriends.  PK explained that if she is playing with her Nick, they each have on a certain number of articles of clothing.  The dealer shuffles and deals out 3 cards to each player, and the player to her left is the first to play.  The dealer places the remainder of the cards in the center and turns over the top card, face up, next to the pile.  This becomes the discard pile.

That's PK in the middle changing the rules again.

The player on the left of the dealer chooses either the top card from the discard pile or one from the deck, and then discards one card on the discard pile.  A player who has 31 can call the hand at any time.  He or she just lays down the cards, and everyone must pay a quarter to the "pot."  

However, even if a player doesn't have 31, he or she can "Knock" rather than drawing a card.  Here is where the strategy comes in.  Even early in the hand, if the player thinks her score can beat the score of even just one other person, she can take a chance and knock.  The person with the lowest hand forfeits one of her quarters (or an item of clothing.)  Everyone else gets to take one more turn before all players lay down their cards.  Alcohol makes all of this more exciting and funny.  Just saying.


To figure the scores, the players select the suit that gives them the highest score.  The one with the lowest score at the end of a hand, puts a quarter in the pot or takes off a piece of clothing.  Here is one of PK's variations on the strict 31 rules.  If you are playing with your husband, at the end of each hand the winner gets to administer the number of swats between the 2 scores and can pick the implement as well.

With the girls, the game continues until all but one player has been eliminated.  Some fun-loving ridicule adds to the fun.  This is also a place where you can question PK if she decides to add another rule! 
  

OK.  Now fast forward to when all of someone's quarters are gone or all of someone's clothing is gone.  You get to play one more hand for as long as you continue to win the hand, and this is called

                                 "Your Naked Ride" 

seeing as you are naked.  What happens after you lose or win is up to you and your partner.  If you are playing with a happy group of other spanked wives, you pour yourself another glass of wine and carry on.  Unless you have had way too much sun and way too much to eat at dinner, and then you go to bed.