Thursday, September 3, 2015

The Next Food Network Star (HOH Edition)

Sam sometimes takes over the kitchen on Sunday afternoons  Frequently, he is the "Grillmaster" which means he is running back and forth inside to outside.  Besides preparing a special Sunday dinner, we often grill, roast, or smoke other meats that sustain us through the busy work week.  Then just a vegetable or salad is all that is needed to create, say, a Tuesday dinner.

Anyway, on Sundays, I often become the sous chef.  Last Sunday I was reminded of my lowly status when Sam totally surprised me with a stinging whack across my bottom with a large wooden
spoon.  "Too bossy," he said in a low voice.  I whirled around and looked at him with my mouth hanging open.  We had family gathered around the dining room table just a few feet away!  As I passed in back of Sam toward the pantry, I was just out of their view.  However, I am sure they could hear; Sam told me later he was confident no one would notice just one loud sound.  And they didn't.

This incident and my recent spanking implement poll got me thinking of all the kitchen utensils that become "weapons of ass destruction."  From reading blogs from far and wide, Sam is not the only HOH skilled at grabbing something handy from the kitchen canister or drawer.  I suppose from his point of view, it's just plain efficient.  If he decides to address a problem and we are in the front of the house, it's just a few steps to the counter.

Later that evening I got comfy on the couch and ended up watching Food Network.  Then a revelation struck.  Sam could have his own show.  Instead of "Chopped," Sam could compete in "Spanked."  Each HOH could have a basket with 4 spanking implements.  When the host says, "Chefs, open your baskets," all hell breaks loose.  Being judged on "creativity" sends chills down my spine and redness below that!

 Although usually reserved for our new happy spankings, I will attest to Sam's prowess with a pancake flipper.  That show could be named, "Flipper Over Your Knee for Breakfast."  OMG!  Then there could be "Iron Hand America."  Ouch!  Think of all the shows
with Bobby Flay.  I can just imagine those evolving into, "Flaying with Spoons and Spatulas."  Yikes!  Finally, I thought back to the Grillmaster and a whole passel of words and phrases came to mind: roasted, grill marks, heat rising, steaming high temperatures, burned, and sizzling hot.

I turned off the TV, kissed the chef, and took my Kindle to bed to enjoy a nice, safe spanking novel.

Now it's your turn.  I know I've heard of various and sundry kitchen items gone over to the dark side.  Cheeseboards and Rice Paddles, and Slotted Turners! Oh, my!  Let's hear about a show starring an HOH you know.  Name that Show!


  1. Your imagination is running amok. haha

  2. Love this! Made me smile and laugh outloud.

  3. LOLOL Ella!!! I am going to have to give this some thought! Too funny! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    1. Katie, your show would have to be "spatulated" :)

  4. I love a food network addict. How about...instead of Master Chef..Master Spanker...
    hugs abby

  5. ROFLMBO! Too funny Ella...I also am a food network addict and love Abby's suggestion. ;)

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  6. E,
    My mind is drawing a blank! I did enjoy rhe post though.

  7. Ella this is so funny. Loved you descriptions.
    Lindy x

  8. LoL Ella, I loved this! Have to give this sone thought...hmm...


  9. LOL! This was hilarious! Not a reality show I'd sign up for!! America would learn about a whole new shade of red after Rob had finished with my backside.