Monday, January 9, 2017

Sam's Resolution for Ella





Besides all the hustle and bustle of the holidays this year, Sam and I were given the unhappy task of emptying the huge apartment of a relative who passed away recently.  We have not had to tackle a job like this since the death of my mother in 2001.  It never gets any easier.  You realize how little all the "stuff" means without the person there who treasured those items.  Boxes and boxes of 
memories.



  

The sorting, discarding, donating, and removal is a big enough chore at any time, but it was simply an enormous amount of work alongside Christmas.  We had a firm deadline, as well; it all had to be done and out by December 31st.  By the 29th, we had a handle on it and all the furniture and loose items were mostly sorted into stacks.  Sam had arranged for a small storage unit for heirlooms that might be claimed by other family members.  I had contacted a lovely woman with an upscale consignment business to pick up the better furniture.  Then there was Salvation Army coming to take the less useful furniture and at least 20 boxes of donations.





I am still learning that a successful ttwd relationship takes more than just the desire to have it.  It takes time and dedication.  When life demands that all your energy be directed at a situation or responsibility, ttwd starts to slip little by little.  You can literally watch it disintegrate with each day it is ignored.  I forget my role and to follow Sam's lead.  He forgets to lead and lets me start to be the decision maker.  It doesn't take long for that to turn into something ugly.





We were both patient with each other for the most part, and I think Sam was cutting me a lot of slack on being bossy.  I didn't feel good about it, but there was just so much to do.  I was in overdrive and not spending enough time to remain anywhere near submissive.  By the time we got closer to the deadline, I could tell that what was coming out of my mouth was all wrong.





The most awful of all was when I started speaking for Sam.  When the movers would ask him a question, I would just start answering for him.  That went on for hours.  By the time we were finally finished, Sam took me out for a simple dinner.  He first said multiple "thank yous" for all the hard work over my week off work,
but then he looked me in the eye and said that we would be having a serious discussion about the way I assumed he could not speak for himself.  Even after this whole, horrible day, I couldn't shut up and even asked for the check!  That was the final straw.  He said that we were both too worn out that night, but that next morning there would be a reckoning.  He had 1 cup of coffee and then came to get me.  I know I have mentioned the antique rice paddle before, but I can only tell you that it is the worst item in our toy box.  Sam never uses it for play.





As they say, "Boy, howdy!" was that a paddling.  I was really ashamed that I could so slip back into my old ways because of a stressful period in our lives.  He never stopped the spanking as he went over each and every incident of the week before.  He also went over each and every square inch of my bottom.  I tried to be submissive during the spanking, but after just a short while, the pain was literally in the red zone, and I was positively out of control.  Sam spanked until that stopped.  I was apologizing over and over.





Besides Sam's lecture about my shortcomings the week before, he thought the timing was perfect for me to make a resolution for the new year.  It wasn't just the spanking that made me agree.  I am hoping that 2017 brings me closer to my goal to think before I
speak.  I live for that feeling of closeness between Sam and I.  My commitment to treating him with the respect he deserves is not something that can sit on a shelf and still stay strong.  It needs to be polished and cared for every day.










21 comments:

  1. I can say I always, always speak to Nick respectfully. That's really true, but I am happy that he can't always hear what I'm thinking! Good luck with your resolution.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK,
      For me the respectful part has a lot to do with slowing down enough to listen. If Sam doesn't reply to someone quickly enough, I am sorely tempted to move right in and do it for him. Even the moving men looked at me like I was a bitch.

      This is the year I will do better, I vow.
      Ella

      Delete
  2. Ella,
    Even from here, I hear the loving tone of what you are saying. Respect requires listening and speaking well to the one you love. Ttwd is a fine dance of caring, listening and leaning in. When new occasions surface, roles can get muddled. Sam did exactly what he needed to do and now things are set back to rights with only a sore backside to remind you of how great a team the two of you make. I am cheering for you.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the analogy of a dance, Meredith. Someone has to lead or both partners fumble. It is harder for me to remember that wisdom when life throws something unexpected at you.

      Ella

      Delete
  3. Sorry you and Sam have had such a rough time, Ella. Sending lots of positive energy that 2017 brings you closer to your goals.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cat. I should tell you that several times a post of yours made me smile over the last few weeks. Sometimes just a smile can put things in perspective.

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  4. I was not blogging when Master and I started out....it was a rough go...mostly punishment spankings. At times, we both wondered if it was worth it. You two are way ahead of where we were....and we are both so happy with where we are...you will get there. hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a lovely comment, Abby. Sometimes it seems like I try to go 45mph, and Sam is perfectly happy tooling along at 30. It is worth the rough patches, though.

      Your posts always shine with how happy you are. Love when you visit, too.

      Ella

      Delete
  5. Hi Ella, I'm sorry you and Sam went through this and happy Sam was able to restore everything back to how it should be.

    Life does have a habit of getting in the way, particularly during extremely busy or stressful times and unfortunately, old habits can and do resurface. The beauty of ttwd is that it provides a way to move forward.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you, Roz. That is the beauty of it. It brings us back to the comfy, connected state that makes us both so happy.

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  6. Hi Ella, I think you both had to do what you had to do to get through the horrid chores. Deep down Sam cut you some slack and my bet is the spanking just put you both back on an even keel.
    Much love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jan. I like to think that the bossy Ella is gone for good, but she's not. Sam just knows how to make her disappear for a good, long while. As you say, the spanking seems to calm the waters.

      Hugs Across the Pond,
      Ella

      Delete
  7. Ella, thank you for your transparency as always! I could so relate to your post! What a challenging situation this sounds like! Very likely you had more expertise than Sam in this project and so you "naturally" took the lead and he deferred. At least that is what I probably would have done! I also "live for the closeness" and I plan on writing out your last two sentences to keep them before my eyes and heart. So beautifully put!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ava, I am glad that my words struck a chord with you. I am sure I did feel the more expert at this type of task, but it is just one perilous step before my words take on a tone of "You don't know what you are doing."

      Hugs From Ella

      Delete
  8. Life is a struggle and sometimes it demands things that don't come easily.We can only strive to do our best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wise words, Sunny. We roll along pretty smoothly, and then life forces us into something with which we would rather not deal. I will certainly strive to do better next time.

      Ella

      Delete
  9. Gosh this could be me right now! I'm constantly ramroding things over my Scotsman. Not sure why I'm struggling so much. Glad you both were able to settle back into normal!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ella it would have been so hard on both you and Sam with such a short time line to work by. Its enough to make anybody bossy. I'm glad Sam righted the situation. Don't fancy that rice paddle though, ouch.

    Hope 2017 is full of lots of peace in your home.

    Hugs Lindy xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. listening and speaking...stress certainly has a way of interfering with thoughtful words...glad TTWD was able to return to you both to a connected and happy state of being. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ella,
    You got sidetracked and needed to be refocused. Sounds like Sam fixed things for you big time. As you said the bossy Ella is still there, she just goes away for ahwile. Here's to hoping she away for a good looonnnggg while and the princess Ella stays in the castle spreading her usual joy.

    --Baker

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ella, a bereavement, Christmas and a tight deadline for clearing the apartment created the perfect recipe for trouble. It must have been a very stressful time for you both, you weren't your usual selves. Sam brought you both back where you needed to be, in peace and harmony once more. Sorry that meant a session with the horrid rice paddle, though.
    With belated wishes for a happy and healthy 2017,
    Rosie xx

    ReplyDelete