Usually I struggle with how to end a post, but today I am having trouble with getting started. When I last wrote, I was sitting on top of the world. The trip for which Sam and I had planned and diligently saved was finally here, and I was so excited I could hardly sleep. No one would ever refer to me as a cool, calm, sophisticated woman. I am really just a big kid, one who is still asking, "Are we there yet?" long past her childhood.
Sam grinned and told me that a really good spanking was coming my way if I begged him just one more time to, "Tell me about the rabbits, George." Ha! Like that was going to stop me! "Bring it on, Mister." Packed and organized down to the last detail. House was ready and fridge was stocked for Son #1 to camp out with the dogs. Walked out of work that Friday afternoon "caught up" and all my responsibilities covered.
The sun glittered on the big, beautiful Virgin Atlantic jet that carried us to the UK. Lovely attention on this airline's flights, and I was still as happy as a tornado in a trailer park. Nice limo driver holding a sign with our name on it (this always makes me feel so fancy) and a big black car to whisk us from Heathrow into London. Oh, wait a minute. Correction. We were "whisking" pretty well until we got close to the city. Then things slowed to a crawl. No matter. We were in London!
Next morning the first episodes of a terrible bout of gastric disaster began. I will spare you the more sordid details but will explain that I am still under doctors' care back here in the states 6 weeks later. Nothing on this special trip went according to plan. I have dealt with a lot of disgust and depression and really must admit that I am still struggling healthwise, physically and mentally. Thanks so much for all the sweet notes and get well wishes.
Am going to try to concentrate on sharing some of the few good times that came to pass despite all the illness and tears. Well, there is no place more important to begin than to tell you that I was able to meet Ami! Definitely a high point and one I had looked forward to for close to a year. Dear Ami is just as beautiful and sweet and wacky as her posts. A heart so big and generous that one feels instantly at home. Ami and Dan did indeed make Sam and I feel that way.
Ami wasn't feeling all that keen herself for several days, so it was a case of misery loves company. We did get to spend part of one day with the guys at the ruins of a beautiful abbey, and Ami introduced me to my new favorite store, White Stuff! Loved that place! While our men pondered life over pints of Adnams, we girls did some power shopping, including an absolutely gorgeous scarlet bra and "knickers" from Marks and Spencer. Ami and Ella never stopped talking and laughing. She is a very special lady, and our time together is a lovely memory that I get to keep forever.
"We'll be friends forever won't we,Pooh?" asked Piglet.
"Even longer," answered Pooh.
Sam had business in London and arranged a private tour of Lloyd's for the Starsongs and us. Alas, this was another activity I missed; this time I sat in Urgent Care for half a day to see my 2nd UK doctor. Nothing I took seemed to help. Short list of things I was not able to see or do. The Shard, Liberty of London, the Tate, the London Eye, and both beloved Shakespeare plays. Also many pies, pints and pubs.
However, despite numerous trips to the loo, I did get to meet and thoroughly enjoy, Rosie, Jan, Ronnie, and DF. Of course, Ami was there, too. So a perfect 6 again! And speaking of numbers, we did add up the total number of years married around the table. Didn't quite hit 215 but we were close. It was hard to talk about some topics with other people dining nearby, but we managed to share quite a lot. I think DF has already posted a picture of the gifts we all exchanged.
One night not too long ago when I was feeling fairly symptom-free, Sam decided we were doing a Spanking Sampler to try out each and every new implement. I rated them with various volumes of "Ow." Each woman around that table was such an individual, but the common bond made it seem like we had known each other for much longer than one afternoon. A very wonderful time.
I don't think the tears and monumental pity party started in earnest until I had to say goodbye to Ami and Dan. I sobbed on Sam's shoulder for at least 20 minutes. When I finally stopped, I formed a plan to just get drunk. That didn't work either, but I did quit crying for a time. Next day we left for France on board the Eurostar. Yes, Ami had warned me about the "pissoirs" in France, but it was hard for this little Yank to believe until we arrived at the Gare du Nord in Paris. If I had not been sick, I may have laughed when I saw there was a cash register and cashier and a line of 20 men and women at the entrance to the public toilets. In my condition I just paid my 70 Euro cents and prayed.
The finale to our holiday was to be 4 days with a guide on the D-Day beaches of Normandy. Sam had helped me to study the history including the monumental preparation and training that led up to 6 June, 1944. I knew the geography and chronology and the key commanders. We had read hundreds of pages together, and I was anticipating this every bit as much as Sam.
By the time we were in France, I was taking 10-14 Immodium a day, but there was still no improvement. The only relief I ever got was by starvation. So Sam left each morning with our guide, and I stayed behind. Usually I would go back to bed for a while and have a good cry. After a shower, I would nervously venture out for short periods. I would usually shop for a banana and then find a pastry shop for a huge croissant. Some days I would live dangerously and walk about the beautiful little village in which we stayed. Lost count of how many times I had to rush back to the hotel in tears. One day I did manage to take lots of photos and another time I did some souvenir shopping. I read in the sun on the little terrace outside our hotel sipping 7-up. One morning I spent 30 minutes on the Internet looking up enough French words in order to write a note to a French pharmacist.
"Immodium nu' pas fonctionne'."
Don't know if this is correct, but the pleasant man got the idea and sold me more stuff that didn't work. My best French (since I practiced it so often) was "Toilette, la femme?" Which, by the way, the French are big fans of communal toilets. So, instead of "la femme," I was usually sharing the toilet with a Frenchman with his wang in his hand. Umm..... no thanks.
On the 3rd day, Sam and the guide rearranged the destinations so I might have access to a bathroom for a good portion of the afternoon. They picked me up at noon after a morning at Pointe du Hoc. I ate NOTHING for almost 24 hours, and it was worth it. We started at Omaha Beach. Our guide was a witty and knowledgeable British man who resided permanently in Normandy. He was simply perfect and brought the story of what happened there alive. He used a walking stick in the sand on the beach to explain what happened and in what order. He also corrected some of the misconceptions fostered by movies such as The Longest Day and Saving Private Ryan. I drank in every word and felt so privileged to finally be standing there. He had so many first-hand stories from old soldiers he had met and interviewed. There were huge portfolios of photographs that documented each location and the units that landed. We drove to a look-out point over the beach where buses could not navigate. After a short hike we could view the complete breadth of Omaha.
Our guide has spent over 20 years compiling his documentation, and on our way to the next destination, he played us voice recordings from soldiers who were there that day. It brought home again that every man had his own story.
When we arrived at the American Cemetery, our guide explained that he did not accompany his clients into the cemeteries. He gave us a rough idea of what we might want to do, but said he would wait and that he did not agree with the guides who talked in these sacred places. He was right. This was a holy site and an experience that really did not need words. As Sam and I walked quietly, the enormity of the life sacrificed on that day so long ago touched you like the hand of God. I wanted to be by myself and silently separated from Sam to walk among the crosses until I came upon a grave with no name and decided that here was the place I wanted to pray.
"Here Rests In Honored Glory
A Comrade in Arms
Known But to God."
There was a small, gray chapel at the center of the cemetery, and it was there I found a quote that said everything I could not say that day.
"Think Not Only Upon Their Passing,
Remember The Glory of Their Spirit"
I truly regret everything that I was not able to see and experience. It is one of the biggest disappointments of my life. Sam felt awful that I could not participate in all this with him. It was at this point that I "climbed into myself" and pulled away. The condition persisted, and I became resigned and weak. The trip home was a nightmare, and by the time we finally landed, they had to bring a wheelchair to the gate. Weeks later I am still seeing doctors, having gobs of tests and trying not to succumb to falling into a sinkhole of self pity.
Sincerely, I thank my family and friends for their persistence and kindness. Sam has been at my side, concerned and loving which, of course, was greatly appreciated. But there really was very little progress in my state of mind until he finally decided that perhaps I was not too breakable to spank. This is very hard for him to understand. I still crave his leadership when I am dispirited, maybe more than when I am sassy or bossy. I need to feel he is my rock, and for me, that means I need to feel his hand on my bottom. Don't think I could explain this need except to all of you. Others would never understand. But I believe that many of you could relate a similar experience or could at least remember a time when you dearly wished there had been a spanking to pull you back. It is my safety net. Just like the routine of daily life can give comfort and strength, it has been when Sam reconnects with me through spanking that a sense of normalcy returns to us both.
A reason to smile and look ahead.
Weekend "adjustments" are pretty much the norm at Sam and Ella's house. Sam learned long ago that our days off together run much smoother and stay more peaceful after discussing things with Mr. Paddle. I don't get all task-oriented and bossy. My temper stays in check, and I remember our few but important rules. I even usually stay patient with the Dreaded SIL. We reconnect and are headed down the same path. This adjustment can happen on a Friday night, especially when I have been at all snarky or on Saturday morning before we start our day.
Last Saturday Sam and Mr Paddle were reminding me of all the things that keep our weekends happy. It certainly was not a fun spanking, but neither was it an awful one. I thought I was paying attention. Sam never rushes after a weekend adjustment. There is plenty of holding me and reconnecting when he is finished. I feel loved and usually quite well adjusted . Reset and ready.
After kisses, we both headed off on our usual Saturday morning shopping and errands. Sam was on his way to the grocery store, list in hand. I was going to the Farmer's Market for fresh produce and
to get gas. He was out the door before me when I added several errands to my list. I thought to myself that I should have told him where else I was going. That is a hard and fast rule for after work each evening. I always file my flight plan by 4:00 pm. He likes to know where I am. However, he has never made a big deal out of it on a Saturday morning. So I honestly thought of it but promptly blew it off. So, there was the craft store and Walgreen's and even a specialty spice store. Then finally on for the produce. Never gave a thought as to how much longer than usual I was gone.
When I pulled up into the driveway, the garage door was already open and Sam came out to help with all the food bags like always. I dropped the small bags from the other errands on the counter and went to the study to take care of something on the computer. Just a few minutes later, Sam stood in the doorway and, with a furrowed brow, said, "I need to see you in the kitchen." He used his index finger to beckon me to follow him.
Back in the kitchen, he pointed to the small sacks from Walgreen's and such, and leaning one hand on the counter, asked me where else I had gone. That was my first clue that there was something
amiss. Then I also looked at the clock. Damn! It was 1:30 pm. I quickly did the math and realized I had been gone almost 2 and a half hours on a 45 minute errand to the market. Did quickly apologize and explained all the little items for which I had shopped.
Sam had 3 questions.
- Why didn't I tell him before we left the house?
- Why didn't I think to leave a note?
- Was there any reason I couldn't call?
There must have been 10 half-assed excuses that zipped through my head, but at last I finally just blurted out the honest truth. I knew I should have, but I really just "Blew it Off." Didn't think
he'd care. Didn't think he'd notice. Obviously, he did care, and he sure as hell did notice. I was still astounded when he unbuckled my belt and then began to unbutton my jeans.
"I already had a spanking this morning," I protested.
"Well, it seems you really didn't pay close enough attention," he countered.
Jeans and panties down with a swish. Bent over and I am still trying to negotiate. Not having any effect whatsoever. I am getting to be quite familiar with the pattern in our kitchen counter tops.
At first, I was relieved that he decided not to use an implement seeing as the crock on the counter was not even 3 feet away. But after about the 4th swat, I was up on my toes. Firstly, even his hand was being applied fast and very hard! Secondly, I have never had 2 spankings in a 3 hour period! OMG! I was certainly paying better attention this time!
This spanking was punctuated with questions about what I should have remembered about making my plans known earlier in the day. And Sam went on and on both with questions that required at least
a "Yes sir," as well as his hand being firmly applied. I was in a
world of hurt before he finally stopped. Have to tell you that having another spanking follow so quickly on a first left a whole new level of sting that was still felt when I went to bed that night.
I think that just explaining my error using the phrase, "Blew it off" kind of "Pissed him off." Like I couldn't be bothered. So I am very clear now that the rule applies on Saturday as well as on weekdays. He made his point with this double whammy. And I have no intention of investigating anything to do with a Triple Dog Dare!
Urban Dictionary defines a "quickie" as a short passionate version of sex. They say it is common that couples that have been together a long time use it to spice up a rather mundane love life. To revive some of the spark that was there toward the beginning of a relationship. Firstly, I have never considered our love life mundane. And especially not after TTWD and spanking came on the scene. Secondly, quickies have had their place in our sexual repertoire for many, many years.
We have called this type of 5 Minute Sex a "quickie" since we were 19. Even before the age of 19, back in high school, we certainly knew just how to give each other a quick orgasm, even without intercourse. Come to think of it, we still do that sometimes. Other couples may have their own little names for this short and sweet coupling. I have also heard it called "jackrabbit sex" - quick, to the point, exciting, and quite intense. Certainly not much foreplay - just enough to achieve the desired outcome. After all, we don't have all day! Have also heard it referenced by the little phrase,
"Slam, bam, thank-you, ma'am."
I think quickies are more lust-driven than romantic sex. Thinking back to our twenties, there were times when we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Hell, you really don't even need to take off all your clothes for a quickie. College and Sex 101. First thing in the
morning, even it you were running late. Between classes. Afternoon delight. Even sneaking away during a party. At that time, Sam wanted sex more often than I did, so a quickie was sometimes "just because" I loved him. Don't really think I hit my stride until my early 30's.
OMG! When babies came along and turned into toddlers, there were days when one or the both of us were so exhausted that quickies were the best way to connect with very limited time and energy. I remember once when we were both so horny that we put the baby gate up in the doorway of the kids' room and threw little boxes of raisins in to them. Yes, it was reminiscent of feeding time at the zoo, but we were desperate.
Once they hit school age, Sam and I started making love more often in the early morning. Still, there were times when someone would knock on the door. "Mom? Dad?" Some of the quickest quickies I remember happened on very limited lunch breaks from work. We called them "executive lunches" because Sam had to strip off at least part of his business suit. Kids were in school, and we could make as much noise as we wanted. "How about an executive lunch today?" one of us would say before we left for work. The boys certainly never knew what that meant. I kind of miss that once in a while. I work too far from the house these days for that to happen. Besides, the boys are grown up and gone. Still, there was something wonderfully sneaky and clandestine to sex on your lunch hour. It added to the thrill.
Long, leisurely romantic sex has always been a lovely time for us. Don't get me wrong. Our lives have been filled with many happy hours in bed. Man (and Woman) does not live by quickies alone.
Well, we have the house to ourselves now and our evenings belong to only us. Sam and I tend to take our time these days. Besides which we are of an age where it's getting harder to do anything really quickly.
But last weekend we discovered we haven't lost our touch by consummating a quickie to each others' satisfaction and approval. What's more, Sam added a quickie spanking to our speedy affair!
Hot damn!
We had to be at a brunch-type occasion by 10:30 am last Sunday. We also had to bring a dish. I usually love my slow-paced Sunday mornings with plenty of time for long spankings and sweet loving. I had some of the dish prepared Saturday night to save time.
I knew we were both in the mood, but did we have enough time? No fancy lingerie for me - just plain naked and waiting. When Sam appeared at the bedroom door, he grinned and said, "A quickie, huh?" With that he unbuckled his belt and pulled it out of his belt loops with a swoosh. Oh god. Then he doubled it and flipped me over. I felt a tug and an ache down in my privates and knew it was not going to take long at all to send me to my happy place. Sam lit into me maybe just 10 times before he dropped the belt on the floor, stripped, and joined me on the bed.
Foreplay? What foreplay? Remember, it's a quickie. But what great fun it was! Quickie sex with a quickie spanking, too. This might not be impressive if we were 30 years old, but at our age, I felt like, "Damn, we're good!" Got dressed, finished the dish for brunch, and we were the first ones to arrive. All day long, whenever Sam and I would catch each others' eye, we would grin, and I could tell we were both thinking,
"Damn, we're good!"
Time for Ella's semi-annual meme. I began writing my own last year when I decided that many of the memes I ran across were either lame or just plain stupid. Seems like we are in the Dog Days of Summer already so have a go at these prompts and questions. Leave a few out if you think some are too revealing. Remember, it is just as much fun to answer as it is to read other people's responses. If you have never tried a meme before, jump in the water with both feet, and cool off.
Enjoy!
1. Name a place where you have always wanted to make love with your partner.
Have always dreamed about sex in a beach house with the moonlight shining in, filmy curtains blowing in a breeze, and the soft sound of the waves.
2. What is your least favorite implement for a discipline spanking?
That would be an antique rice paddle that I myself bought and intended for play. But the implement is really secondary to how pissed off Sam is.
3. Name or describe a piece of lingerie in which your husband loves to see you.
Sam will truly sit up and pay attention to a red corset and black stockings. I admit it is pretty once it is all on, but the bloody garters drive me crazy.
4. Do you favor silver jewelry or gold? Besides a wedding ring, do you have a signature piece that you wear often or even every day?
I like wearing both silver and gold together now. If I had to choose only one pair of earrings, they would be silver hoops.
5. What was the worst job you ever had?
A real toss-up here. Could be waitress in a hippie coffee shop. Could be daycare for toddlers. Could be the RCA television factory.
6. Is there something your husband does (or doesn't do) around the house that drives you crazy?
Absolutely hate that he leaves toothpaste yuck on the faucet and in the sink.
7. What is the hardest thing you ever had to learn? Could be school, career, life, or even ttwd.
I would say that would have to be a statistics course requirement for my undergraduate work. It was awful, and I would lock myself away from the rest of the family for hours so I could study.
8 Besides a spanking, tell us something that always brings a tear to your eye. Could be a movie, a song, a memory, or something else.
Well, first, I would have to admit to being a bit of a crier. Happy times, sad times, and anything in between. Seeing a Shakespeare play almost always includes a tear, no matter if it is a comedy or a tragedy. Another thing that is pretty much a sure thing for tears is hearing Amazing Grace played by bagpipes. And almost always, I will tear up when singing the Star-Spangled Banner.
9. What was your favorite grade in school (K through 12) and why?
Without a doubt that would be fourth grade, when I didn't have to go to Catholic school anymore. Public school and Mrs Kennedy. There was art and music and parties and hugs from a teacher. Kissed that dark blue catechism goodbye and never looked back.
10. As a child, did you have a favorite stuffed animal or doll that you took to bed?
Yes, he was a little blue and white stuffed dog named Bonnie. His eyes were always closed and his head rested on his front paws. My mother threw him away when I was seven, and I held it against her for many years.
11. What was a make-believe game you loved to play when you were a kid?
I know it sounds strange, but my little brother and I used to play "Two Old Ladies." We had numerous old lady names like Bernice and Maude and Bertha. We dressed up (hats, too) and went driving in our car (a big old armchair tipped on its back. We said old lady things to each other and had silly arguments and complained about having lumbago.
12. Look in your closet. Is there a lot of one particular color? Are you drawn to that color when you shop?
Yes, I love army green and olive green. One has a little more yellow in it. My closet has more of this color than any other. If I am in a rush, I know that any one of those jackets will make me feel happy.
13. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? What is your favorite soft beverage?
This one is so easy, that you probably already know. That answer would be beer. Remember the wise Ben Franklin quote, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
As far as a soft drink is concerned, other than coffee, it would be iced tea.
14. If you could have your dream job for a day, what would it be?
You all will laugh at me, but I have always wanted to be Judge Judy. Sometimes when I get home from work and am cleaning, I will flip on the TV before the local news starts. I just adore Judge Judy, and she gets paid to tell stupid people to shut up. That would be a dream come true.
15. Describe your wedding gown. If you didn't have a gown, tell us about what you wore. If you were going to get married again, what would you pick today?
My sweet, wonderful aunt made my dress. We chose a Vogue pattern that had an empire waistline and lace sleeves. It was white taffeta under a sheer voile lace and trimmed in pearls. We spent $125 on the fabric, pattern, and trim. That seemed like so much money at the time. Well, I cannot imagine getting married again, but I would probably choose a white suit.
16. Tell us about your first car! How old were you? Did you give it a name? Do you remember how much it cost?
My first car cost less than my wedding dress, only $100. It was a mint green 1953 Ford Fairlane. And no, I was not 16 in that year! It was very used by the time I bought it. Gosh, I loved that car! It was positively huge inside. We actually took out the back seat one time and fit a dead motorcycle back there.
Your turn!
