First, I must make a public apology to Ami. She did answer her own Have You Evers..... I think this is what the Brits might say was
"a total cock up."
I stand corrected and hope she will still be my "mate" across the pond.
Next, a bit of a hooray to all of you out there who told your own stories! I laughed and smiled to read the way you made the questions your own.
Have you ever, ever, ever........
and here are my Ever-loving answers.
1. Said something very rude to a doctor during childbirth?
Labor with our first child did not go smoothly. Baby was face down instead of face up. After 2 hours of pushing at 10 cm, they decided to do a general anesthetic and forceps delivery. After a long wait for the anesthesiologist, my OB-GYN doc said, "Ella, this is your anesthesiologist, Dr. Rose." My answer was, "Quit with the f***ing introductions and give me the gas." I promise that I did sincerely apologize to all present when it was over. They just laughed, especially Dr. Rose.
2. Seen someone pop their eyeball out?
Saw this many years ago at a freak show at a State Fair. The guy's name was "Popeye," of course. He popped out his eye right into his hand and then put it back in. I was young enough that I just said, "Cool!"
3. Had your stomach pumped?
Also from my childhood. An exterminator left insecticide in a clear glass on a table. (What a dumb ass!) I remember drinking it and not much else, except for my mother going hysterical.
4. Been to a drag show with a very large gay man?
I cannot tell you how much fun this was! I had a gay friend who was a huge man and interesting neighbor. He was quite excited that I wanted to go the the show with him. A gay man who dresses in drag for these shows may choose to have breast implants but must retain their penis. Rule is: No penis, no drag. You address them as "she" when they are in costume, and they have a female stage name. I chatted with "Fiona" about her lovely "Roaring Twenties" dress because she had sewn it herself.
5. Eaten a worm?
Think I was 8 or 9 years old. Some kid dared me and that was all it took. Would you believe me if I told you it tasted like chicken? Ha!
6. Run a nifty, little money-making business when you were 11-12 years old buying girlie magazines for the boys in the neighborhood?
This was the most lucrative business I had as a kid. Way better money than babysitting. The boys this age were scared to buy the magazines themselves - afraid their parents would find out. Mostly bought Playboys at several different newsstands. The cost to each boy (including my brother) was twice the cost of the magazine. One hundred percent clear profit. I should have been on the Fortune 500. It lasted several years until the boys figured out they could get them on their own.
7. Crawled through an underground storm sewer for 5 blocks?
This turned out to be very scary, even though there were no manhole covers in place as they put in a new storm sewer system in our neighborhood. I am claustrophobic and about to go into panic mode by the time I climbed out.
8. Lied about your weight?
Which time? I think I was still in high school when I first adjusted
9. Needed your husband to help you up the stairs because you were inebriated?
My brother's wedding, and I was one of the bridesmaids. Sam knew he was in trouble when I told him I flushed my pantyhose down the toilet. I don't remember anything after the Hokey Pokey.
10. Seen a movie star in an airport?
Yes I saw Gene Hackman, and he is incredibly short. His girlfriend was about a foot taller than he was and about 20 years younger.
11. Walked out of a movie?
Many years ago when Sam and I were still dating, I walked out of a movie that I think was just called "Z" when we got to a torture scene. I just can't watch torture of any creature. It will torment me and give me nightmares for months. Sam has screened our movie picks ever since.
12. Sat on a jury?
I have sat for a whole civil trial, and it was very interesting. It was between a landlady and a tenant. It ended in a "hung" jury. Have also sat through most of a murder trial at the Old Bailey in London up in an observation gallery.
13. Told a child, "Because I said so."
I tried not to say this both to my own children and my students. However, when all else failed, I pulled this out of my hat. Funny how what goes around, comes around. In the last few years Sam has said this to me!
14. Ran a cash register in a small grocery store when you were 8 years old?
My dad had a little grocery, and I started working for him one day a week on a Saturday or a Sunday morning, 5 - 9am. I was so little that I had to stand on an old wooden Coke box. I stocked the candy and cookies, put out the fresh bakery goods, cleaned the deli meat case and the meat slicer, and burned the boxes in an old incinerator. These are some of my favorite memories from childhood. Dad would let me drink coffee with lots of sugar and milk.
15. Wrote a eulogy for a parent?
For my dad, I wrote and read a eulogy for his service. I still carry it in my wallet to this day. Best thing he ever did for me was take me out of Catholic school against my mother's wishes. He sang a crazy lullaby to me when he tucked me in at night. I sang that for him one last time.
16. Heard a song you were sure was written and sung just for you?
The first time I ever heard "Remember When" by Alan Jackson, I was blubbering like a baby by the end of the song. It felt like this man had somehow peeked into my soul. Have memorized the lyrics, so I can sing it to myself whenever I want, especially when I am thinking of Sam. If you have never heard it, press HERE to link to the You Tube version.
17. Roasted chestnuts on an open fire?
Only got to do this once, but they were so yummy. You have to stab an "x" into the soft side on the nut or they will explode in the fireplace and kill Santa.
18. Eaten 44 shrimp at one sitting?
Yes, Virginia. That's right! I love shrimp that much. It was a Florida restaurant, and it was "All you can eat." My brother kept count.
19. Thrown all phones in a drawer for the entire weekend?
Sometimes I just get pissed off with phones. So I shut them all off and live without them very well over a Saturday and Sunday. My mother once yelled at me, "What if I had died?" I told her I would have found out on Monday.
20. Gone on a vacation all by yourself?
Yes, indeed! You may think this sounds sad, but I enjoyed this trip so very much. I was supposed to go with a friend. At the very last minute, she had to back out due to a serious illness in her family. Sam does not "do" Vegas, and I couldn't find anyone else on such short notice. I was reluctant at first, but I had the most marvelous time; I saw and did so much on this trip. Also, hit it nicely with a straight flush playing video poker!
Will she EVER, EVER, EVER be done?
Yep, I'm done.