Thursday, May 14, 2015
SOS for my HOH
My Mother's Day started out so happy. I was outdoors with the sun shining and planting flowers in all the patio pots and beds. Later we joined family at my favorite pub/restaurant for dinner. We all laughed and truly enjoyed each other. Good time.
Then, as we walked in the door, I spoiled everything with a bitchy complaint about a topic that is always a sore point with Sam and I. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I knew that what I said was way over the top. I was really sorry, and expected that Sam would immediately say we were heading to the bedroom to take care of this.
But it turned out much worse, because Sam didn't do that at all. He reacted like he had never heard of ttwd. He was angry, and he stopped talking and left the room. That was the way we used to fight. I was upset, sorry, and so unsure. A while later, he came to me in the kitchen, and I was glad, because I thought things would be resolved. Sam started off by saying that he was HOH and that this is the way things needed to be in our house, but then ended with something that sounded like, if I couldn't do this, then ttwd wasn't working and we might as well forget about it.
I was so devastated that I couldn't even talk. The tears just came to my eyes, and I changed my clothes and crawled into bed. I must have cried for over an hour. I think I cried myself to sleep. When Sam came to bed, I woke up but just started to cry all over again. Finally, he pulled me over to him to spoon like we usually go off to sleep. He asked me to talk to him. Between sobs, I explained how I understood what he had said. He kept kissing the top of my head and saying, "Shush," to stop my crying. He said that he hadn't meant that at all; that I misunderstood. He held me as we fell asleep and said we would talk more in the morning.
We did talk, and he frankly apologized and said he had mishandled it. He must have said he was sorry 10 times. I feel now like we have moved past this. I understand that we both misunderstood what the other was saying. That I pretty much overreacted. When people write about how communication is so crucial to the success of ttwd, I know how its failure can impact the understanding of a situation.
Sam asked me if our connection was back, and I climbed up on his lap. My favorite place to sit. All is well.