Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Get A Room!
From reading your blogs regularly, I do think it is accurate to say that many of us who have adopted ttwd, have also found a new, more intense sexual dynamic with our HOHs. Sam and I surely have. In fact for anyone reading this, whose partner is still on the fence about ttwd/dd, the sex thing should be definitely weighed as one of the pros. "Honey, here is another great reason to spank my ass!"
To clarify, though, I think it is more than just spanking. At first we only added spanking as a game in the bedroom. Although it spiced things up, it didn't really change the way we viewed the roles in our marriage. As we started exploring dd, I did enormous amounts of reading and shared a portion of that with Sam. There were several sources that talked about how modern life has a tendency to make us "gender neutral." Women take on many traditionally male roles,
and men take on many traditionally female roles. Of course that isn't necessarily bad, but it leads to lowering the sexual attraction. (In a recent letter to Ami, I added that my natural bossiness doesn't help either!) TTWD helps to re-establish these roles. The sexual dynamic returns; the woman feels more feminine and the man feels more masculine. Just like everything in ttwd, I'm sure we have tailored some of that to what is best for us.
In her popular book The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle says, "Instead of throwing out traditional gender roles, try them on again. There may be some value in them that you would like to reclaim. They can help you feel protected and feminine, and therefore more intimate."
In a much lesser known series of long essays/short books, by Vivian of The Disciplined Feminist, she writes about the limbic system of humans that makes some of our feelings/actions instinctual instead of intellectual. This was meaningful for Sam, and he actually read the entire Book II - Advice from the Receiving End. I don't know how much of this is true, but the author explains the need for spanking by relating it to the limbic system. Since I have never understood this need for spanking in myself, at least this author gave me a way to examine it in a different context. In other words, there's another reason besides:
I am just a.) weird
d.) all of the above.
So the sexual dynamic has skyrocketed, and mind you, we were doing just fine before ttwd! While we have never discussed it with any family member, there are several who are aware that something is up with Sam's and my relationship. For one thing we don't make much of an effort to keep our hands off of each other. I figure we are not getting any younger. If I feel like sitting on Sam's lap, that's where I will be.
One night Son #1 stopped by after work, and we were both glad to see him. Eventually this son decided to use the facilities and disappeared for a few minutes. I jumped into Sam's lap and let him know exactly what was on my mind. That's the wonderful part of lap-sitting. It only takes a minute and if you feel something pop up, you know if it's on his mind, too! I really was just giving Sam a hug, but when Son returned, he just stared at us laughing and said, "Get a room, you guys! Think I'll be saying goodbye. You kids have fun." I jumped up to give him a hug, like a good mom should, but to tell you the truth I wasn't that sad he was leaving. And, yes, Sam and I did get a room.