Long, Long Ago in a Marriage Far, Far Away

Long before ttwd, there were times when I would pull away from Sam.  We loved each other very much, but that wasn't always enough.  Sometimes it was because of a fight or disagreement.  More often, though, it was simply because of a perceived slight or careless words between us.  I would withdraw and become silent.  I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt him.  Neither of us would apologize, and neither of us would forgive.  It was amazing and stupid how long this could go on before we would come back together.

As the years went by, something else compounded this problem.  Along with the withdrawal, I started having bouts with depression.  Sometimes it seemed almost normal - the death of my father, for example.  Other times there really wasn't a reason.  Just pulling away from the people I loved or feeling dissatisfied with life could

bring on a  time of disturbing despondency.  The last significant episode even ended in a frightening health crisis.  When withdrawal

turned to depression, Sam got scared and would do everything he could to bring me back.  But once I fell into that sinkhole, it was really hard to pull me out.

 
Enter ttwd.  After I finally spilled my heart out to Sam about my need for spanking, there was a lengthy period of his finding his comfort zone.  He wasn't naturally dominant with me.  But as the connection grew between us, his confidence grew as well.  Both of us were amazed at the change in our marriage, and we never wanted to go back.  We also noticed that because we resolved small disagreements with a spanking, there weren't as many times I pulled away from him.


But even today, there are still occasions when it happens.  I disagree with a decision Sam makes or a situation out there in the real world gets me down.  And I pull away.  My bouncy, chatty self takes a nose dive, and I become as quiet as a mouse.  Now, Sam recognizes this change almost immediately.  And he doesn't let me sink or wring his hands over what to do. 

 
All day Sunday and Monday, there was something not quite right between us.  When I got home from work Monday night, Sam pulled me onto his lap and asked me what was wrong.  I slid off his lap and said I needed more time before I wanted to talk.  He just made a sound like "Mmmph" and told me to hurry up. 



There was no close spooning Monday night - a time where we both love the feeling of closeness and sweet talking before we fall asleep.  None of that.  Just this distance.


I am a morning person, and I get up early.  I mean early!  Like 3:45 am on work days.  I have lots I like to do before I even get in the shower.  The first thing is to catch up in my journals.  Let the dogs out and get them fed.  I get the house ship-shape and exercise, too.  There is usually some time to blog hop as well.


Well, Tuesday morning at exactly 4:00 am, Sam marched into the dining room with both a paddle and a leather strap in his hand.  He scared the hell out of me!  He never gets up 'til 6.  I had brewed the coffee but had not even had a cup yet.  He told me to get in there pronto and take off my pajama bottoms.  He pulled out a dining

room chair and told me to bend right over.  There was no lead-up; he just started in really hard with the paddle and told me I had better get my thoughts together quickly so that we could talk.  He said he does not like it when I get this way.  "I do not like silence.  We are not doing that ever again."  It was a serious spanking, and I could not help squirming since he was not holding me down.  He told me to stop it immediately and hold still.  Then when I was already hurting and the tears had started, he began with the leather strap.  Leather has a whole different feel and yikes!  He said we would be talking as soon as I got home that night.  Said that, "You had better get your act together," or we would repeat this later in the day. 

The message was clear.  I would not be allowed to pull away or drift into depression ever again.  Sam hugged me close and told me how much he loved me, but quickly.  Then it was all business.  He picked up the paddle and strap like he had just finished some chore and headed back down the hall to the bedroom.  He even went back to sleep! 

Once I got over the shock, I started to put all my thoughts in order as I did my morning tasks.  Some coffee helped, too!  By the time I got my sore ass  in the shower, the whole day looked brighter.  How in the world does a spanking do that for me?!  I am constantly amazed at that.  Gave Sam a really nice long kiss before I left for work, and he gave my bottom several gentle pats.


Yes, we talked as soon as I walked in the door Tuesday night.  Done and resolved in 10 minutes flat.  Back on his lap with lots of hugs and touching and laughing.  Absolutely no Prozac required.