Saint Azotaina, Patron Saint of Spanking

Although I am not a traditionally religious person, I do pray and take it quite seriously.  I say that because of the post title today.  Yes, it sounds like Ella might have something funny to say, but there's truth in prayer.  If there is a family member or friend in turmoil or if health is threatened, or if I have fallen into that sinkhole called "depression," I speak to God and ask for help.  If one of you out there is going through a very difficult time, you get some prayers sent your way even if you don't know it.


Now I am ready to talk about saints.  I recently sent a small St.

Joseph statue to some friends who were desperate to sell their

house.  They had never heard of the tradition of burying his likeness upside down in the yard and having him help you sell the house.  Once I explained this custom, my friend promptly buried the little statue in her yard.  And Snap! They promptly put up the "Sold" sign out in the yard as well.  Done and done! 

This little story got me thinking about what if there was a saint just for spanking?  Quite a question, huh?  Well, there's not.  I checked.  But the more I thought about it, the more I decided there should be such a saint.  If there can be a patron saint for travel and rain and temptation and chivalry and fortitude, why not a saint for this need in me that made me feel ashamed for so many years.  Goodness knows, for decades I would have been happy to say a few prayers to such a patron.  She could have given me patience and wisdom and reassurance that there was nothing wrong with me at all.

So I have named this patron saint of spanking, St. Azotaina.  If you speak Spanish at all, the name may have some significance.  She watches over all of us who need spanking in our lives to feel fulfilled.  She is there when you first come to know, "This is me.  This is who I am."  She is there when you feel confused or a little afraid.  St. Azotaina is listening when you begin to wonder, "Why am I different this way?  What's wrong with me?"  She is there when you feel embarrassed and alone.  When there is no one in whom you can confide, you can offer a prayer to her, and she will understand.  She will smile and tell you that you are a good person, and that wanting to be spanked does not make you a bad person.

And I want to be spanked.

When you start to gather courage to bare your soul to your husband or partner, St. Azotaina might give you a few figurative taps on your backside and a push.  "You can do this," she would say.  This is the BIG TALK and many prayers might be needed.  When the day comes, she'll help you with the words to explain this to the one

you love most in the world.  She will be there if there is a big fat, "No!" at first.  You will somehow know that with time and patience and love, you will be understood for the first time in your life.



Your patron saint would listen to your prayers by helping you comprehend that the dream you have carried in your head for so long isn't necessarily the way it will play out in real life.  Your husband's approach to this will come from the sum total of his life experiences.  She will guide you to come to terms with the fantasy and the reality.

This clever little saint would know how overjoyed you felt when spanking was finally part of your life - even if it is just a little bit. She would never let you give up on a man who didn't quite "get it."  She would keep that hope and love bright and new and help you believe that someday he will understand that this part of you won't ever go away - just like you need air to breathe.  "This is me.  Please love me the way I am."

Finally I believe Saint Azotaina would know how essential it was that you know that there are other women just like you .  When she heard your prayers, she would send you some good friends.  Women that laugh and cry and love just like you do.  Women that become a circle of support for each other and take great joy in each others' happy times and are also there to give you solace and comfort when times are hard.

Hello, Friends.

I like to think that my patron, St. Azotaina, was a good and holy person in her own life, but also that she has just a little mischief in her eyes.  Maybe her halo is a bit crooked and there are a few other more serious saints that give her stern looks once in a while.  But I know she is there and listening.  After all, my life right now is my own little slice of heaven.  Keep praying.

                               Words from the patron saint of spanking - 

           "Count all your blessings along with all your spankings."

  

Bend over and start counting.