Weekend Adjustment

Throughout my work week, Monday - Friday, I usually stay on the straight and narrow ttwd path.  The days resemble one another somewhat, and I plow through the week adopting a certain routine.  Once in a great while, I do stumble mid-week.  It might be driving and I lose my temper.  It might forget to send my "PM Plans" to Sam before 4:00 pm.  But unless I get lazy or careless, I roll along pretty uneventfully.  I rarely get mouthy or bossy mid week.



Of course, this doesn't mean that a happy or silly spanking couldn't make an appearance.  Those are always welcome.  Teasing is my usual solution when I am feeling a bit peckish about having Sam pay some sweet attention to my backside.  Quickest way to land myself OTK is for me to make a snarky comment with a big grin on my face.  I have even done this with a visitor at the table.  Can usually count on paying the piper as soon as our guest bids farewell.  Life is sweet.  


But the focus of my post today is what Sam calls a "Weekend Adjustment."  I don't remember when this event earned that name, but it does always occur on a Friday night or a Saturday morning.  Once I hit the weekend, I kick into 

                            "Let's get everything done!" mode.  

I start making lists.  What needs to be done in the house?  What needs to be done outdoors?  What errands need to be run?  What kitchen tasks need to be accomplished so we are ahead for the following week?  Are there family events to host or attend?  Is the dreaded SIL coming over?  Basically I sometimes become driven, impatient, and bossy just in time for the weekend.  I prefer to think of it as being "efficient."  Sam just gets prickly about it.


Not only do I make lists for myself, I like to make lists for Sam.  And he does not like me to do that at all!  If he was going to make his own weekend list, it would look something like this.

                                 

SAM's WEEKEND LIST

• Sleep late
• Grocery store
• Mess around with stuff in the shop/garage
• Read
• Watch a YouTube video on how to replace the firing pin spring on a Colt 1911
• Take Ella to her favorite pub if she is not being a pain in the ass
• Mess around with more stuff in the shop/garage
• Have a few beers
• Grill something - eat something
• Watch a movie
• Have sex

This is very different than my list for Sam.  So he instituted the "weekend adjustment" to address my sometimes maniacal moods.  Last Saturday, he slept late and I was showered, dressed, and almost out the door to tackle the world, when he turned with his coffee cup in his hand and said, "Um, we need to take care of something, don't we?"  This was not really a question.  Then, "Wait for me in the bedroom."

 
Since I usually know a weekend adjustment is coming, there is that Jekyll/Hyde reaction within me.  There is relief to know it will happen and that I will feel that re-connection.  There is also the panic that it will happen right now.


I went to the bedroom and saw that Sam had laid out the wooden spatula and the rice paddle on top of his dresser.  Mmmm...2

implements.  "He must have done that when he woke up," I thought.  He was along very soon.  Sometimes I hesitate to take down my pants and panties myself.  I would rather he did that, but he usually just says, "You know what to do."  A weekend adjustment is almost always over the bed.  It is not a happy or "just because" spanking.  More serious that that.  Some couples might call it a "maintenance" spanking or a reminder, or even role affirmation.  Sam positively hates the "maintenance" designation.  "Sounds like something we need to do to the truck."

He started with the spatula, and that thing is mean.  Sam talks.  I listen and answer or yelp.  "So let's focus on having a goooooood weekend.  What do we need to remember?"  

Between smacks, I tried to respond thoughtfully, but they came out as short staccato answers.  

"Ouch!  Yes, and no bossiness."

"Ow, damn it!  Also cheerful."

"Need to be patient.  Yessir!"

"No!  Yes, kind, too."

Sam says he wants me to think about nothing less than "stellar" driving.  

"OK, Yes!"

"No being bossy, either." (Did I already say that?)


At this point, there was a pause before he decided to finish up with the rice paddle.  "So let's think about staying focused."  Then that horrible paddle hit my sit spots, and I just started up off the bed.  Sam's left hand on my upper back moved me back down in position.

"Sam, this paddle should only be for really bad stuff!  It's too hard!"  Tears in my eyes now.

"Ella, who makes the decisions on implements?"

"You do!  Ouch!  OMG!"

He asked me to remember that.  As he finished with several more swats, there was a summing up.  "So, are we going to have a good weekend?"

"Ow, yessir, we will."

Sam touched my shoulder and then pulled me to him.  I melted into his chest and held tight.  He held me until I lifted my head off his shoulder to smile.  He knew that my mood meter for the weekend was set to "Patient, Calm, and Happy."  

                   It doesn't get much more "Ever After" for me.

Mood Meter

The Music of My Life

Every once in a while, I hear a song that just captures my soul.  Sometimes it is a section of the lyrics.  Sometimes it is a string of notes.  Sometimes it is just the tone or the rhythm.  A pounding beat.  I like rock and classical.  Blues and gospel.  Jazz and country.  I love Sousa marches and the crooners of the 40's and the 50's.  Sound tracks from movies.  Love songs old and new.  No matter where I am or what I am doing, there is usually something playing in my world.



So when I hear something new that really grabs me, it's like a love affair.  I will buy it, download it, turn up the radio - and I will play it and play it until I know every note and have memorized all the words.  One such song for me right now is called "All of Me" by a vocal artist and musician named John Legend.  His voice just knocks me out.  At least in this song, there is a clear almost bell-like quality to it.

It seems that some songs also speak to something that is happening to me right now at this moment in my life.  "All of Me" is not a brand new song - just new to me.  The words convey an unconditional love, and he wrote it for his wife.

                                      "Cause all of me
                                       Loves all of you
                        Love your curves and all your edges
                            All your perfect imperfections"

The words remind me of the way I love Sam and the way he loves me.  Certainly we are not beautiful or perfect in any way.  But I think we do appreciate the "perfect imperfections" that make us so happy to be in love with each other.  For me, Sam is my perfect HOH.  If you would like to listen to this beautiful song, I have provided a link  HERE.
 


Sam and I have been talking a lot about songs lately.  We are coming up on a milestone anniversary, and Sam has organized a party (to my surprise!)  One night we came up with the idea of a compilation of our favorite songs to play at the party.  We've done that before for long car trips, and it's lots of fun.  However, those old CDs are kind of a split between Sam's favorites and mine.  This time the challenge is that we both have to love them.  Much tougher!  We only can agree on about 8 so far, but we are trying to cooperate and laughing a whole lot as we work toward this goal.
  
Several of our mutual choices are:  

• Sweet Virginia - The Rolling Stones
• Hit the Road, Jack - Ray Charles
• Jackson - Johnny Cash

This list probably ages us, but never mind.  What has been so funny is turning up our noses when one says, "Well, how's this song?"


And the other answers, "No, no. A thousand times no."


If you think back and reflect on songs you have liked or loved over the years, you start to see you could almost tell the story of your life in songs.  Decade by decade, there were songs or music that

became a part of who you are.  I remember my dad's crazy lullabies and him playing Rachmaninoff on the piano.  Learning patriotic songs and Christmas carols at school.  Songs sung around a campfire.  Tunes we sang over and over on car trips.  Jump rope songs.



                                 "Do your ears hang low?
                               Do they wobble to and fro?"


Singers my parents loved - Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and Nat King Cole.  Songs I listened to scores of times or sang with my dad while we drove to work.  I still listen to all of those.

                     "Two sleepy people by dawn's early light
                       And too much in love to say goodnight."



On we go to rock and folk music.  The Beatles and the Stones and Simon and Garfunkel.  My first "stereo" and my first "portable radio" and all that vinyl.  The top 10 countdown at 10:00 pm each night.  Falling in love with Sam and crying because a song was just so beautiful.  Having him hold me out on the dance floor, even though neither of us could dance.

                           "Moon River, off to see the world
                           There's such a lot of world to see."

Thinking of songs chosen for our wedding.  Songs we played for parties and holidays and birthdays.  Silly songs I sang with our boys or my kids at school.  A song, both happy and ever so sad, sung at my father's funeral.


Sound tracks from movies and TV shows.  So many!  Sam and the

boys always knew when I was in the grip of a cleaning frenzy.  I would jack up the volume of the music from the movie, Patton, so loud, and I would clean that house to within an inch of its life.  Just me and General George "advancing constantly" on Berlin. Marching right through the enemy          
                             "...like crap through a goose."

Epic westerns with music as big as the sky above.  Rawhide on the TV every Friday night.  

                     "Head 'em up, Move 'em out, Rawhide" 

Even as an adult I loved westerns.  Had an old set of Mattel pearl-handled toy cowboy pistols that I put on one day while I was ironing and watching Silverado for the hundredth time.  When the boys got home from school that day, I heard older son tell a friend that his mom always wore guns when she watched westerns.  The music during the gunfight scenes was so cool!  Ask Sunny.  I still have a thing for cowboys.

And love songs.  A lifetime of Sam and a lifetime of love songs.  That would not just be a post; that would be a thesis.  Music and love go hand in hand.  Lately I have been listening to an old album of songs by Jimmy Durante.

                                     "That's the Story of
                                  That's the Glory of Love."

           So, "Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are."

                    Tell us about a love song that speaks to you.

Insuring Domestic Tranquility - the Preamble According to Sam

I did not know ahead of time that March was Q & A Month.  I am still learning the unique calendar year in this corner of blogland.  Ella is almost one year old, so I expect her to be a bit more savvy sailing into Year 2.  When visiting other blogs lately, I saw a question come up several times that got me thinking.  The question seemed to assume that I already knew what I was getting out of a spanking relationship.  I think I do know that, even though it is always evolving.  But what about my partner?  What does Sam get out of our ttwd connection and the spanking?


Instead of a Man on the Street Interview, I decided on a Man at the Table Interview.  We sat down together at the end of our work day

like always.  I was tired, and Sam poured me a beer.  I explained to him where I had found the question and told him I wanted to write a post.  "So, what do you get from this spanking relationship of ours?"  The words were barely out of my mouth when he jumped on it.


"Ha! Domestic Tranquility," he smiled.

I laughed and asked, "What?  Like the Preamble to the Constitution?"

"Sure, I guess.  Spanking insures domestic tranquility around here."  And then he was off and running.

"When it's wrong between us, it's like soldiers being out of step while they are marching.  We need to be stepping along together."  He talked about how ttwd "cements" the relationship between us and brings us closer.  The love has always been there, but now it has become more intense.

I tried to shut up and just let his thoughts take him where he wanted to go.  I try to do this more, but it is still hard.  I feel like the only thing that will ever make me an excellent listener would be duct tape.

Sam continued by explaining he believes that for me, ttwd and the spanking are "internalized" - like the way I am wired.  Not so for him.  He doesn't need ttwd like I do, but he appreciates the mutual tenderness it brings.  He likes the respect and trust he feels I give him.  He said something else that I thought was strange.  He said if he really did want to spank me, it would scare him - like he might be an abusive husband.  I think that is silly, but that is what he said.  Sam could never be that way.

He went on, "The step wanted to take with ttwd says that you trust me inherently.  Ultimate trust - like life and death trust."  He told me how hurt he felt when I didn't give him my trust several weeks ago with a decision he made.  Thought about saying something here, but didn't.  He is right.  I did not support him, and it was wrong.

"I'm sorry," I said again.  Inside, I know the spanking over this incident put it behind us, but I still feel ashamed.

He kept talking.  He said the spanking is sexually arousing for him, too.  Sex is much more exciting and intense.  Sam smiled as he told me that it is wonderful that I dress for him now in the bedroom - just to please him.  Like I finally figured out that men are more visual.  This makes him very happy.

"It's reinforcing.  I'm more masculine, because you are more feminine," was a revealing comment.  And I really loved when Sam said that!  I had to stop writing for a couple of minutes and climb up in his lap.  He held me tight and went on.  He told me he feels more protective of me - likes the feeling that he gets from taking care of me.

"It makes me feel strong and tender at the same time," he said with a smile.

As hard as I try, I know I still try to take control.  I do know that it irritates him but, I was very surprised when Sam said, "When you do that, it creates a distance between us."  Revelation!  That doesn't just happen when I pull away; it happens when I am bossy, too.  

Sam finished with saying that he doesn't feel he has experienced a change in his self-image.  However, he thinks I have and for the better.  He also commented that while he truly sees how happy and fulfilled I am in our ttwd relationship, he also sees I am more "needy" of him.  I think he is right, but also that he likes feeling more needed.

So Sam's Preamble has many of the same components as the very cherished one I memorized back in 5th grade.

"I, the HOH in this household, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish ttwd Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Connection, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of a happy Marriage for us both, do ordain and establish this Constitution for myself and my Ella."

Hope none of the Founding Fathers are turning over in their graves.  Have never read anything biographical that would indicate an interest in ttwd, but you never know.  None of them was in favor of a king, but I'll wager at least some considered themselves "king" of their castle.

A Mighty Walloping

It seems that a recurring struggle for many of us who have chosen ttwd is relinquishing control.  It certainly is for me.  Why, if I have asked Sam to be the dominant in this relationship and I want to be the submissive, is this so difficult?  Is it a sign of the times in which we live?  Is it a defect in my personality and emotional makeup? Is it because I was the oldest child in the family?  Is it something I was taught?  Is it something I developed out of need just to cope with a specific situation?  I do think of this often now.  However, what needs to happen is for the thinking to take place before I screw up instead of after.



There were many times during our marriage where I took on the role of running things, because Sam was not able to.  His long work

days with lengthy commute times.  His earning his master's degree in business and working full time, too.  Away from home on business.  I was the model of efficiency and nobody better get in my way.



Later as a teacher, being in control seemed to be just part of being good at my job.  Multi-tasking is an art form for teachers.  It's all

about how do you deliver quality curriculum, assess, revise, individualize, manage behavior positively and maintain a kind, safe, and caring environment for so many important little people.  Talk about being the boss!





Hand in hand with the control issue goes trust.  If I truly trust Sam, then shouldn't giving up control be easy?  As I have said, this is not the first time this has been a problem for me.  Sam should be able to tell me he is going to do something or not do something and know - 

                           I believe him and I believe in him.

The issue is different each time I fall short.  But the result is the same.  Seems to me that there is a pattern - whether it is how to drive to our destination, cooking Sunday dinner, or even with a big financial decision.  Sam will consult me on most of these, and the discussion is open.  Of course, it's easy if we totally agree on the decision or if Sam decides to leave a decision to me.  What is much harder is being able to say and mean 

                                "Whatever you think."  

               I even consciously try to smile when I say that.  
                          Even better is to add, "I trust you."

Lately there is a serious issue under discussion at our house.  It is one with which I know he needs my support.  But my first reaction hasn't been support as much as control.  I want to dictate the solution.  In this case this is not only irritating to Sam, but my control will actually work against him.  A ttwd conundrum, if you will.  As he became exasperated with my interference, he finally asked,                
                         
                         "Have I ever lied to you before?"


                             I had to answer, "No, never."

           "And I am not lying to you now.  You need to trust me." 

But I did not.  When I finally backed off the control, I just turned silent and drew into my myself.  I even spoiled a special afternoon we had planned together.

"Ella, come here," Sam said gently.  I straddled his lap a good while but didn't talk and didn't connect.  Finally he stood.  He was not angry one bit.  Just took my hand and led me down the hallway. 

I was crying long before he even started.  First he unzipped my jeans and pulled them and my panties down to my knees.  Then he actually took me across one knee.  He has never done that in the bedroom before.  Our antique bed is so high that is is difficult.  And he started with his hand.  He never does that either.  I guess it is what others would call a warm up.  I do not know what to call it, but it was so much more personal, and it felt so right.  It lasted a long while.  He talked to me the whole time about trust and control.  He stood and gently pushed me over the bed.  I heard him open the drawer, and he started paddling in earnest.  Very hard.

There were times when I didn't think I could stand anymore.  He still talked about the situation and the pulling away.  No more of that.  No more sinking.  There was one more pause, and I could not believe he was reaching for something else.  He continued, and I knew that even though it was awful, I was coming back to him.  He did not pause again and seemed to know I really needed this.

When he was finally done, I was exhausted. Maybe he was, too.  The tears had been cathartic this time.  He was back in charge, and the connection was back, too. As he gathered me into his arms, he said, "That was one for the record books."  He was not being funny, just firm.  I don't know how to explain it, but that was the worst and the best spanking I have ever had.  

                                                       No exceptions.  
                                 I need to give up the control.  
                                       And I need to trust. 

I know it may sound corny and country, but there is a lot of truth to,
                                   
                                   "Stand by your man." 

                               ****************************

Epilogue - Since I finished this post, the whole issue has been happily resolved.  Lesson Learned - I didn't need to worry or control or retreat.  I just needed to trust him.

Lovely Little Words - The Sequel

A while ago now, I published a post about how those lovely little spanking words and phrases were just so special and appreciated by me - mostly in books, but once in a while from Sam himself.  You all shared some good ones in your comments, too. I chose some of my favorites to enjoy once again.

• "take you across my knee"
• "rubbed her pink bottom"
• "You are so getting spanked for that."
• "your bottom is a lovely shade of red"
• "These knickers are coming down"
• "Go get the paddle."
• "the swish of the belt coming off"
• "you need your attitude adjusted"

 Oh yes, I have loved those words for a very long time.  Long before Sam ever knew I dreamed of spanking.  Long before I ever knew there were other women like me.  Long before I ever saw those words in print.


Once I reached adulthood, they have always had the power to make me sexually excited.  Through my pre-ttwd years, I could pull them

to the conscious part of my brain along with some limited visual images whenever I had the time and inclination.  Sometimes it was just a short snippet - maybe in the car by myself or waiting in a line.  Other times I could luxuriate in a full-blown fantasy.  Of course, it was my secret.  No one else ever knew.



Over the years, I discovered that these spanking words and fantasies were so strong for me that with some concentration, I could actually bring myself to orgasm with no touching whatsoever.  Think of the possibilities!  Since my life in ttwd/dd

There is a spanking in your very near future.

began, I have become much bolder about investigating things on the Internet.  I did actually find a statistic that said about 10% of women who regularly achieve orgasm are also able to do it without touching themselves.  If that figure is correct, there may be some of you out there who also have this gift.

Reading powerpoint..word for word

I think this secret of mine was never so appreciated as at boring professional workshops and teacher inservice days.  Those of you out there who were teachers or who are still teaching may or may not be able to identify with my opinion on "inservice" days.  I say that 95% of the required professional development days/meetings were a complete waste of time!  If I could get away with it, I brought work to the meetings and tried to get caught up.  How many nights and weekends did I devote to paperwork and lesson preparation?  Thousands of hours over the years, I'm sure.

So right here I want you to imagine the adult voices in the Charlie Brown cartoons. "Wah-wah-wah....., wah-wah-wah...-wah-wah."  (Also imagine that I am wearing a baseball cap backwards.  That was my fashion statement for inservice days.)  If I was forced to sit in a chair for hours on end listening to someone drone on about any of the following topics:
 

team building exercises

• Failing schools
• Sand tray therapy to treat absenteeism
• Reviewing the school district mission statement
• No Child Left Behind
• Re-examining Bloom's Taxonomy ad nauseum
• Workplace team-building exercises
• Brand new and improved Achievement Test
• Mandatory OSHA trainings

then I had my secret weapon ready to go.



Snap!  Just roll out a juicy spanking fantasy and concentrate.  It took quite a bit of time and quite a few Kegel exercises, but I could usually manage to climax before lunch.  Talk about a Cheshire Cat smile on my face!



Now to keep to honest facts here, this is much harder for me to do than it used to be.  Age comes knocking at your door long before

she should.  But Ella never gives up on a potential Ever After.  She's stubborn that way.  I file away all those lovely little spanking words in a corner of my brain.  So if the lines at Costco are 10 deep, and you glance over to see a woman waiting with a far-away look in her eyes and a wistful smile on her face, sidle on over and say, "Ella, is that you?"